While I'm not entirely sure where my love of cars came from, I was begging my parents to let me look at cars in the car lots by age 10 and playing with Hot Wheels way before that, I do know my grandpa taught me a lot about them. He was fanatical about caring for his cars.
While there were many car care tips, he always said there were two things that were indisputably the two most important things for car care. One was regular oil changes. Said the engine would get sludge and changing the oil keeps your engine running clean and longer. And it isn't good enough to just add the right kind of oil, but the old oil has to come out each time. Along with a new oil filter. The second tip was to use good gas. No chicken gas (an inside family joke) for our vehicles. Nope, has to be Shell or Exxon preferably.
I currently drive a Miata that says "Premium Recommended, but not Required." And a Cadillac that does require premium gasoline. Do I do these things? Of course! And why? Because I value the cars and want them to be in top running shape for as long as possible. I don't sit there at the pump and choose low octane gas due to the cost. I might complain, but I use the recommended and/or required octanes.
Some of his other tips included keeping your tires balanced and properly inflated. My STS alerts me if one tire is lower and has digital gauges where I can check the tire pressure. I do this manually on my Miata. Why? Because if one tire isn't holding up it's correct amount of pressure, it will put the whole car off balance and wear out the tires faster.
I also read the manuals or google items to make sure the proper oil, gas and tire pressure is used for each model, as each of our vehicles are different.
So by now you may be wondering, why the car maintenance lesson? Glad you asked. My body has been running sluggish, autoimmune issues flaring and join issues. I was evaluating what I've eaten lately, and being the holiday season, I've eaten WAY more sugar than I normally do plus add in the early sunsets and my activity level has been lower. I know I feel better when I eat right, but get lazy in it. Healthy foods can cost more. It takes time to prep food. It takes time to read labels. Here is where the car care comes into play. I realized I pay more for better fuel for my car, I'll even go out of my way to find the "right" gas stations. I take time to do the proper maintenance on them, to make sure the foundation (tires) are all equally supporting the car, to read the articles on how to get the most of your car. Yet I'm putting junk in my body and not consistently making sure all the pillars (physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, etc) for a proper foundation are equally being cared for. If I do these things for my cars, in the hope they will last 10-20 years, why wouldn't I do it for my body? That I hope will last 80 years, and that God says is His temple.
Sometimes we forget the maintenance on our vehicles, and we don't remember until an alert comes on or it runs sluggish or knocking. It's always better to do preventative maintenance then repairs. Same with our bodies. I start feeling better and then let it slide until warning signs go off. But right now my warning lights are all going off and its time to treat my body at least as well as I treat my vehicles.
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Thursday, September 8, 2016
10 Tips for the Path to Wellness/Recovery/Wholeness
August 21, 2016
From my time volunteering in Celebrate Recovery, Gwinnett Detention Center, NAMI, at church and now with the AFSP I've been asked what works. While I wish I could say I've always followed my own advice, here are the things I think can make the biggest difference.
1. Remember HALT. If you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired then halt (stop) and fix what you can. The more these four are in play the harder triggers will be.
2. Keep a gratitude journal. When in a slump write out the things you are grateful for. In those really rough times you can't think of anything, go back and read what you've written before.
3. Exercise and get some sunlight. Sometimes it's hard to motivate yourself to get up and do this, but it really does help. Even if it's just a 20 minute stroll with your dog.
4. Healthy diet. I'm not great at this but at least try to make sure you get in one nutrient packed meal a day that isn't processed or fast food. Try to avoid sodas and sugar filled items.
5. Vitamins, supplements and meds. This is different for everyone but pretty much everyone can benefit from a good multi-vitamin, B-complex and fish oil. If you are prescribed other things, take them. And don't "borrow" other people's medications.
6. Find people to support you, keep you accountable and encourage you. When you get to where you think you don't need anyone or any accountability and can handle it yourself, that is one of the most dangerous places you can actually be. Don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.
7. Consistent sleep schedule. Found out this is crucial for my own personal well being. Google sleep hygiene for more details.
8. Worship music. Nothing like this to help move focus off your self. Headphones at night are great when you can't sleep due to racing thoughts or anxiety.
9. Volunteer! Help others. It gives you purpose, helps them, and makes you realize you aren't on this journey alone.
10. Remember that God is always with you. There are times when you might want to punch someone for spouting off a Bible verse, but when you are in a place where you can focus, God's Word is the only true source of life and strength!
From my time volunteering in Celebrate Recovery, Gwinnett Detention Center, NAMI, at church and now with the AFSP I've been asked what works. While I wish I could say I've always followed my own advice, here are the things I think can make the biggest difference.
1. Remember HALT. If you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired then halt (stop) and fix what you can. The more these four are in play the harder triggers will be.
2. Keep a gratitude journal. When in a slump write out the things you are grateful for. In those really rough times you can't think of anything, go back and read what you've written before.
3. Exercise and get some sunlight. Sometimes it's hard to motivate yourself to get up and do this, but it really does help. Even if it's just a 20 minute stroll with your dog.
4. Healthy diet. I'm not great at this but at least try to make sure you get in one nutrient packed meal a day that isn't processed or fast food. Try to avoid sodas and sugar filled items.
5. Vitamins, supplements and meds. This is different for everyone but pretty much everyone can benefit from a good multi-vitamin, B-complex and fish oil. If you are prescribed other things, take them. And don't "borrow" other people's medications.
6. Find people to support you, keep you accountable and encourage you. When you get to where you think you don't need anyone or any accountability and can handle it yourself, that is one of the most dangerous places you can actually be. Don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.
7. Consistent sleep schedule. Found out this is crucial for my own personal well being. Google sleep hygiene for more details.
8. Worship music. Nothing like this to help move focus off your self. Headphones at night are great when you can't sleep due to racing thoughts or anxiety.
9. Volunteer! Help others. It gives you purpose, helps them, and makes you realize you aren't on this journey alone.
10. Remember that God is always with you. There are times when you might want to punch someone for spouting off a Bible verse, but when you are in a place where you can focus, God's Word is the only true source of life and strength!
I hope that at least one thing off this list will help someone else on their journey to wellness and wholeness.
Judgement and Grace
August 19, 2016
Four very drunk, totally naked women (around my age), drinking vodka and orange juice and being loud in one of my community pools, belligerently refusing to get dressed or leave is how I started my day at 7:30 this morning.
Honestly now...one of your first thoughts is what is wrong with those women, or some other judgemental thought. Am I right? I know it was mine, right up there with seriously, this is how my Friday is going to be?!
Then God started whispering to me, what are you judging them over?
Me: um, first off they are drinking and drunk way too early in the morning
God: and who gets to determine that being drunk early is way worse than being drunk at night?
Me: ouch. Ok, so they are naked and acting inappropriately.
God: and you have never done that? Maybe not the naked part, but have you ever lost your inhibitions and acted inappropriately?
Me: wellll, this one time... but they broke the pool rules, the pool doesn't open until 8.
God: I seem to remember you and a guy getting busted for breaking into a community pool after hours one time.
Me: that was a long time ago
God: and?
Four very drunk, totally naked women (around my age), drinking vodka and orange juice and being loud in one of my community pools, belligerently refusing to get dressed or leave is how I started my day at 7:30 this morning.
Honestly now...one of your first thoughts is what is wrong with those women, or some other judgemental thought. Am I right? I know it was mine, right up there with seriously, this is how my Friday is going to be?!
Then God started whispering to me, what are you judging them over?
Me: um, first off they are drinking and drunk way too early in the morning
God: and who gets to determine that being drunk early is way worse than being drunk at night?
Me: ouch. Ok, so they are naked and acting inappropriately.
God: and you have never done that? Maybe not the naked part, but have you ever lost your inhibitions and acted inappropriately?
Me: wellll, this one time... but they broke the pool rules, the pool doesn't open until 8.
God: I seem to remember you and a guy getting busted for breaking into a community pool after hours one time.
Me: that was a long time ago
God: and?
Me: ... Dear God, please forgive my judgemental attitude. Thank you
for showing me that they just need You. Give me grace and wisdom in
dealing with these kinds of situations (and thank you for our wonderful
local cops). And for reminding me of all that You have forgiven me.
Help me focus on becoming more like You, and to use Your Word as my
standard. Not focusing on others or using them to measure whether or
not my moral compass is correct.
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Our Anchor
This year I started a devotional book called Unpack Your Heart. Though only three weeks into the new year and this devotional, I highly recommend doing it.
The lesson this week is called Soul Room and the memory verse is Hebrews 6:19-20 "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek."
In this lesson, which I'm only on day two, she talks about our soul being a room, that without Jesus is dead and lifeless, but with Him, it is alive and life-giving. Day two's lesson asked "What difference does Jesus make in your soul with His presence?" My answer is "Brings in the light, fresh air. Mold can't grow in His presence (the previous day asked what our soul is like without Jesus, to which I replied black moldy, with isolating darkness spreading the mold). A newness, cleansing. A willingness to keep going, press on. A hope. An anchor. Restoration."
Which brings me back to the title and the verse...an anchor, our anchor.
Making soul decisions without letting Jesus be in the center does lead us to death and lifelessness. And as I'm sure we all have, some decisions I made were soul affecting decisions, without Christ. Along this journey I keep saying I'm asking God and the Holy Spirit to lead me ONE step at a time. I know I can't handle more than one at a time. Some of the steps have been small and easy, and some hard, difficult and takes me a while to take it. Back in September I felt the nudging of the Holy Spirit telling me I needed to make some things right with my husband. I didn't know how to even take that step, but haltingly and stumbling I attempted. And it turned out horribly. He asked me to give him some space and leave the house. I was too numb to think and did leave that night. But my emotions were in such a turmoil in the next couple of days that all I could think is I can't handle this, RUN. So run I did. Hopped in my car, gassed up and just headed out. Made it only as far as Pensacola. And there ended up on the pier. Caught up in a storm, and knowing it was of my own making, made it even worse. There was no one else to blame, no one else at fault. Just me and my choices. I spent a couple of hours leaning over the railing, looking in to the water, watching the waves dash onto the pilings. And wondering what was next. Eventually I needed something to drink and went back into the store on the pier and a bracelet caught my attention. It was leather with a pendant, and carved into the pendant was an anchor. I immediately thought of the memory verse for this week, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." I bought it, put it on and went back out to the end of the pier. I stayed out there all day, watched the sun set and as the waves of self doubt, and despair would roll over me, I kept looking at the anchor. Putting my trust in God. Knowing that while I caused the storm, I was also following His promptings in trying to make it right. And that no matter what happened, I had hope, an anchor, if not for my how I may want my life to play out, at least for my soul. Even after leaving the pier I wondered around quite a bit that night, being blown all about in the storm of my own making. Barely able to think or function clearly, yet all the while hanging on to the promise of the anchor. At one point I remember not being able to think or say anything but mumble over and over, "its ok, I have an anchor, its ok, I have an anchor." And God, in His loving kindness, sent me some people via text messages helping to be that anchor that night and for my ship to safely get home.
That particular storm has passed, and as in many storms, we (my husband and I) are both closer and stronger from having survived it.
But this is life, and storms continue to come. Some large, some small. From December 30-January 6 my daughter was battling some mental storms for her own life and was away from us in a safe place that was her anchor for that week. Right on the heels of that I got very sick on January 7, then spent January 8-17 (today) pretty much in bed, unable to do much of anything else. But again, I HAVE this HOPE, this ANCHOR, for my soul. And it is FIRM and SECURE, despite the size of the storms. God taught me so much this past week of not being able to do anything on my own. I learned to be still, I learned to listen, I learned I can't fix everything (I have to learn this lesson a lot unfortunately as I tend to keep forgetting it).
The day I was to get her from the facility was one of the "visualization" days in the study. I had to get her alone, and I frankly was full of anxiety at doing so. Lots of triggers for me in that process. And in that "Chosen" lesson Jesus came to me (I didn't go to Him in my vision, as I felt unimportant, my problem wasn't big enough, he was too busy, others needed him more) but He came to ME. And told me I wouldn't be making that long drive alone. He would be with me. He would be my anchor. At one point while picking her up, I was in a locked tiny room alone, with just one window, covered in bars. A waiting room of sorts. And as the anxiety started rolling over me, I heard Him. "I'm still here with you, higher than the highest mountain, deeper than the deepest sea. There is no where you can go, that I can't be with you." With that I felt His peace, stilling the waves of anxiety that threatened to overtake me. What is cool is that the next day a friend, not knowing all those details, gave me a poster painting of Jesus on a ship calming the storm.
This past week the "visualization" day of the study I was still home in bed, sick. The topic was "Busy In a Tree" and about rest. I was fretting over not being able to do anything and missing so much work. Again, in my vision, I turned and there was Jesus, in jeans and barefoot, sitting cross legged on my bed. He told me he knew I was hurting and sick, and as he said this, he turned ever so slightly, just enough for me to see the scars on His back from being whipped. He told me that it is by His stripes I'm healed, not by my frantic efforts to "fix" things or speed up healing. And the devotional speaker had referred to "racing thoughts" and pent up energy. Jesus reminded me that us humans all tend to have that same tendency, and that He created me as I am. Not to have labels, but to take those racing thoughts when they come and bring them to Him. To cast my cares on Him. That peace doesn't come from pills, serenity doesn't come from syringes and anxiety isn't drowned in alcohol. That He is my cure. The only One that can truly make me whole. And to take the rest of the time I was sick to rest, strengthen and grow.
As I mentioned earlier, part of that resting included listening. Some of that was listening to my daughter. Not talking AT her, or even to her. But listening, not just to her words, but to her heart, as she opened up and shared with me. She and I cried with each other, for each other, held each other and bonded in a way we haven't in a very long time.
So I continue on this journey, step by step, through the calm and through the storms. Knowing that whatever comes my way, that my soul will be firm and secure, as long as I keep my hope in Him as my anchor.
The lesson this week is called Soul Room and the memory verse is Hebrews 6:19-20 "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek."
In this lesson, which I'm only on day two, she talks about our soul being a room, that without Jesus is dead and lifeless, but with Him, it is alive and life-giving. Day two's lesson asked "What difference does Jesus make in your soul with His presence?" My answer is "Brings in the light, fresh air. Mold can't grow in His presence (the previous day asked what our soul is like without Jesus, to which I replied black moldy, with isolating darkness spreading the mold). A newness, cleansing. A willingness to keep going, press on. A hope. An anchor. Restoration."
Which brings me back to the title and the verse...an anchor, our anchor.
Making soul decisions without letting Jesus be in the center does lead us to death and lifelessness. And as I'm sure we all have, some decisions I made were soul affecting decisions, without Christ. Along this journey I keep saying I'm asking God and the Holy Spirit to lead me ONE step at a time. I know I can't handle more than one at a time. Some of the steps have been small and easy, and some hard, difficult and takes me a while to take it. Back in September I felt the nudging of the Holy Spirit telling me I needed to make some things right with my husband. I didn't know how to even take that step, but haltingly and stumbling I attempted. And it turned out horribly. He asked me to give him some space and leave the house. I was too numb to think and did leave that night. But my emotions were in such a turmoil in the next couple of days that all I could think is I can't handle this, RUN. So run I did. Hopped in my car, gassed up and just headed out. Made it only as far as Pensacola. And there ended up on the pier. Caught up in a storm, and knowing it was of my own making, made it even worse. There was no one else to blame, no one else at fault. Just me and my choices. I spent a couple of hours leaning over the railing, looking in to the water, watching the waves dash onto the pilings. And wondering what was next. Eventually I needed something to drink and went back into the store on the pier and a bracelet caught my attention. It was leather with a pendant, and carved into the pendant was an anchor. I immediately thought of the memory verse for this week, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." I bought it, put it on and went back out to the end of the pier. I stayed out there all day, watched the sun set and as the waves of self doubt, and despair would roll over me, I kept looking at the anchor. Putting my trust in God. Knowing that while I caused the storm, I was also following His promptings in trying to make it right. And that no matter what happened, I had hope, an anchor, if not for my how I may want my life to play out, at least for my soul. Even after leaving the pier I wondered around quite a bit that night, being blown all about in the storm of my own making. Barely able to think or function clearly, yet all the while hanging on to the promise of the anchor. At one point I remember not being able to think or say anything but mumble over and over, "its ok, I have an anchor, its ok, I have an anchor." And God, in His loving kindness, sent me some people via text messages helping to be that anchor that night and for my ship to safely get home.
That particular storm has passed, and as in many storms, we (my husband and I) are both closer and stronger from having survived it.
But this is life, and storms continue to come. Some large, some small. From December 30-January 6 my daughter was battling some mental storms for her own life and was away from us in a safe place that was her anchor for that week. Right on the heels of that I got very sick on January 7, then spent January 8-17 (today) pretty much in bed, unable to do much of anything else. But again, I HAVE this HOPE, this ANCHOR, for my soul. And it is FIRM and SECURE, despite the size of the storms. God taught me so much this past week of not being able to do anything on my own. I learned to be still, I learned to listen, I learned I can't fix everything (I have to learn this lesson a lot unfortunately as I tend to keep forgetting it).
The day I was to get her from the facility was one of the "visualization" days in the study. I had to get her alone, and I frankly was full of anxiety at doing so. Lots of triggers for me in that process. And in that "Chosen" lesson Jesus came to me (I didn't go to Him in my vision, as I felt unimportant, my problem wasn't big enough, he was too busy, others needed him more) but He came to ME. And told me I wouldn't be making that long drive alone. He would be with me. He would be my anchor. At one point while picking her up, I was in a locked tiny room alone, with just one window, covered in bars. A waiting room of sorts. And as the anxiety started rolling over me, I heard Him. "I'm still here with you, higher than the highest mountain, deeper than the deepest sea. There is no where you can go, that I can't be with you." With that I felt His peace, stilling the waves of anxiety that threatened to overtake me. What is cool is that the next day a friend, not knowing all those details, gave me a poster painting of Jesus on a ship calming the storm.
This past week the "visualization" day of the study I was still home in bed, sick. The topic was "Busy In a Tree" and about rest. I was fretting over not being able to do anything and missing so much work. Again, in my vision, I turned and there was Jesus, in jeans and barefoot, sitting cross legged on my bed. He told me he knew I was hurting and sick, and as he said this, he turned ever so slightly, just enough for me to see the scars on His back from being whipped. He told me that it is by His stripes I'm healed, not by my frantic efforts to "fix" things or speed up healing. And the devotional speaker had referred to "racing thoughts" and pent up energy. Jesus reminded me that us humans all tend to have that same tendency, and that He created me as I am. Not to have labels, but to take those racing thoughts when they come and bring them to Him. To cast my cares on Him. That peace doesn't come from pills, serenity doesn't come from syringes and anxiety isn't drowned in alcohol. That He is my cure. The only One that can truly make me whole. And to take the rest of the time I was sick to rest, strengthen and grow.
As I mentioned earlier, part of that resting included listening. Some of that was listening to my daughter. Not talking AT her, or even to her. But listening, not just to her words, but to her heart, as she opened up and shared with me. She and I cried with each other, for each other, held each other and bonded in a way we haven't in a very long time.
So I continue on this journey, step by step, through the calm and through the storms. Knowing that whatever comes my way, that my soul will be firm and secure, as long as I keep my hope in Him as my anchor.
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Star Wars: Rey & The Force
Star Wars: The Force Awakens opened in theaters this weekend and we went and watched it in 3D. It was great, but one scene especially gave me chills and resonated deep within me. Don't read this if you haven't seen the movie yet and don't want to read spoilers.
In the scenes prior Rey admits that she thought that Luke, Jedis and the Force were all myths. When she met Hans, she was told that no, it wasn't a myth but real. Later Rey was captured by Kylo, who had gone to the Dark Side. He had her chained up and was trying to get in her mind and she was resisting. Instead she realized that she could get in HIS mind. And told him that he was afraid. This angers him and he leaves her chained by her wrists and ankles and guarded by a Stormtrooper. She realizes that the Force is REAL, and IN her. Rey, in a step of faith, tries out her new found knowledge and, in a voice barely louder than a whisper, tells the Stormtrooper "You will release me, leave the room and leave the door open." She gets braver and says it again, louder. The Stormtrooper hears and answers "I will not release you." She says it again, even louder. He walks over to her and in a mocking voice replies, "you are nothing but scavenger scum." She gets quiet for moment, you can almost feel her inner turmoil. But then you can see it in her eyes, as she sets her resolve that the Force is real and she has the power within her. She loudly exclaims, "You will release me" and the Stormtrooper replies, "I will release you" and proceeds to do all she commands.
This is when I started to wonder if I was in the movie theater or in church! So many of us go through life hearing stories of miracles done by using the Force (Holy Spirit). But so many think it is just old stories, passed down through the generations, just a myth. Someone comes along and shares with us their personal story (Hans Solo) and by their testimony shares that it isn't a myth, but that the Force is real. Satan (Kylo) can capture us in battle, chain us up and try to get in our head. But with the Belt of Truth and Helmet of Salvation, activated by the Force within us we can resist. As Rey resisted Kylo getting in her head but instead told Kylo what he was scared of, we also know that Satan is afraid because he knows how the story ends. Knowing that truth didn't set Rey completely free though. She was still bound and still guarded by her demons, the Stormtrooper. She didn't give up and accept her bondage. She gathered the strength of the Force within her and fought the only way she could while being bound, with her words. She spoke, outloud, telling him what he would do. Even when he told her no, then proceeded to mock her, telling her she was a nobody and worthless and he would never set her free, she didn't give up. She paused, but pressed on. Continuing to speak, more boldy, the truth of her freedom. To speak of those things that don't yet exist, as though they do. Much like Abraham did in Romans 4:17 "in the presence of Him whom he believed—God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did." The end result was the Force grew stronger with her faith and she was released from her chains. Kylo was extremely upset over this and sent a lot of troopers to go find her, because he knew that as she realized the power of the Force in her, she would get stronger and could eventually defeat them completely. And later in the movie she did have a fierce battle with Kylo. Backward, forward, slashing and fighting. Much like in our life, we can speak the truth, break the bonds but that doesn't exempt us from the fight.
And even after winning the fierce battle, she know there are more battles to come, so goes and seeks a Jedi (Luke) that has the Force strong within him and many years of experience and can train/mentor her so that the Force becomes stronger in her on her own journey.
Much like Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." And 2 Timothy 2:2 "What you have heard me say in front of many people, you must teach to faithful men. Then they will be able to teach others also." Proverbs 9:9 "Instruct the wise, and they will be even wiser. Teach the righteous, and they will learn even more."
Another scene that resonated within me was the love of Hans Solo for his son, despite the choices his son made, Hans loved him with an unfailing love. Much like the love of our Heavenly Father.
If you like Star Wars, even if its just a tiny bit, you should watch this movie and see what allegories you notice while watching it.
Sometimes sermons come from the most unexpected places....
In the scenes prior Rey admits that she thought that Luke, Jedis and the Force were all myths. When she met Hans, she was told that no, it wasn't a myth but real. Later Rey was captured by Kylo, who had gone to the Dark Side. He had her chained up and was trying to get in her mind and she was resisting. Instead she realized that she could get in HIS mind. And told him that he was afraid. This angers him and he leaves her chained by her wrists and ankles and guarded by a Stormtrooper. She realizes that the Force is REAL, and IN her. Rey, in a step of faith, tries out her new found knowledge and, in a voice barely louder than a whisper, tells the Stormtrooper "You will release me, leave the room and leave the door open." She gets braver and says it again, louder. The Stormtrooper hears and answers "I will not release you." She says it again, even louder. He walks over to her and in a mocking voice replies, "you are nothing but scavenger scum." She gets quiet for moment, you can almost feel her inner turmoil. But then you can see it in her eyes, as she sets her resolve that the Force is real and she has the power within her. She loudly exclaims, "You will release me" and the Stormtrooper replies, "I will release you" and proceeds to do all she commands.
This is when I started to wonder if I was in the movie theater or in church! So many of us go through life hearing stories of miracles done by using the Force (Holy Spirit). But so many think it is just old stories, passed down through the generations, just a myth. Someone comes along and shares with us their personal story (Hans Solo) and by their testimony shares that it isn't a myth, but that the Force is real. Satan (Kylo) can capture us in battle, chain us up and try to get in our head. But with the Belt of Truth and Helmet of Salvation, activated by the Force within us we can resist. As Rey resisted Kylo getting in her head but instead told Kylo what he was scared of, we also know that Satan is afraid because he knows how the story ends. Knowing that truth didn't set Rey completely free though. She was still bound and still guarded by her demons, the Stormtrooper. She didn't give up and accept her bondage. She gathered the strength of the Force within her and fought the only way she could while being bound, with her words. She spoke, outloud, telling him what he would do. Even when he told her no, then proceeded to mock her, telling her she was a nobody and worthless and he would never set her free, she didn't give up. She paused, but pressed on. Continuing to speak, more boldy, the truth of her freedom. To speak of those things that don't yet exist, as though they do. Much like Abraham did in Romans 4:17 "in the presence of Him whom he believed—God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did." The end result was the Force grew stronger with her faith and she was released from her chains. Kylo was extremely upset over this and sent a lot of troopers to go find her, because he knew that as she realized the power of the Force in her, she would get stronger and could eventually defeat them completely. And later in the movie she did have a fierce battle with Kylo. Backward, forward, slashing and fighting. Much like in our life, we can speak the truth, break the bonds but that doesn't exempt us from the fight.
And even after winning the fierce battle, she know there are more battles to come, so goes and seeks a Jedi (Luke) that has the Force strong within him and many years of experience and can train/mentor her so that the Force becomes stronger in her on her own journey.
Much like Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." And 2 Timothy 2:2 "What you have heard me say in front of many people, you must teach to faithful men. Then they will be able to teach others also." Proverbs 9:9 "Instruct the wise, and they will be even wiser. Teach the righteous, and they will learn even more."
Another scene that resonated within me was the love of Hans Solo for his son, despite the choices his son made, Hans loved him with an unfailing love. Much like the love of our Heavenly Father.
If you like Star Wars, even if its just a tiny bit, you should watch this movie and see what allegories you notice while watching it.
Sometimes sermons come from the most unexpected places....
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Never Give Up!
Tightly hugging myself to try to stop the uncontrollable shivering and shaking, I stared across the desk in the windowless bare room. The person on the other side of the desk was shooting rapid fire questions at me in a flat tone of voice as she noted my answers on the writing pad in front of her. The majority of my thoughts centered on how she was trying to trick me during this interrogation. Yet, in the back of my mind I knew where I was, and why. But how? How did I end up here?
The where on that Friday evening almost five years ago was
the intake area of a private, mental hospital.
The why was to get help, help because I knew I was in a situation I
couldn’t fix myself. I was manic,
anxious, paranoid and battling psychosis.
The how is what I was struggling to grasp. I was a wife, a mom, a Girl Scout leader, on
staff at a church, I preached in a women’s prison (a prison featured on a cable
TV show for some of the rough inmates) and volunteered in many community
activities. Part of me thought those things
would exempt me from something like this.
I shouldn’t be here; people like me don’t belong in places like
this. Yet, I was here, and I was
admitted to the inpatient locked ward.
As the oldest of eight children I was always very
independent. I was also adventure
loving. Unfortunately, I also had
somehow gotten who I was, mixed up with what I did. And since I based who I was on what I did, I
did lots. I went to missionary training
school and worked in a church. I was
self-sufficient and confident in what I was doing. Though during my teen years I noticed a
pattern of what everyone around me called “adrenaline junkie” behaviors then
times of deep depression. I managed to
mask the depression, though I wrote out my first will at age 19 because I truly
believed I would die young. I knew this
wasn’t “normal” and as it got worse, I tried harder to hide it. Eventually the inner turmoil was too hard to
hide and I turned to substances to self-medicate. That went on for many years until I realized
that they were beginning to control me instead of me using them to control
myself. During this time I also ended up
in the ER from an overdose. My husband
and I were having issues and I thought my children and everyone I knew would be
better off without me. But mostly I just
wanted to sleep, sleep until it all went away.
No matter how long that type of sleep took. There was a second incident as well, but it
didn’t result in medical assistance. I
still didn’t realize there was a mental health issue, instead thinking that it
was probably from the substance use. I
joined Celebrate Recovery to make those changes. But without self-medicating the original
issues resurfaced, even more so. After
some doctor visits I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and started on the long road
of finding the right medication mix and steps to stability. These steps include talk therapy, dietary
changes, sleep changes, mood tracking, exercise and education.
One of the most difficult parts is the stigma. Much of it was self-induced stigma and having
to realize that I am not a label or a diagnosis. And stigma is not only what people think, but
what they say. Christians who wouldn’t
think to tell someone with a broken arm not to use a cast, had no problems
saying someone with a mental disorder should stop medications and rely on
faith. There is still a big disconnect
with mental issues and the faith connection.
I later went abruptly off my medications and three years after the
initial diagnosis is where this story began, in the intake room of the
hospital. There I was diagnosed with not
only bipolar 1, rapid cycling, with psychosis but also a soft diagnosis of schizoaffective
disorder. My time in there was of much self-evaluation
and beginning to realize that my worth wasn’t based on what I do, or don’t
do. Though I watched people being abandoned
by those that they thought loved them. I
became fearful that my husband wouldn’t be able to accept the “new” me when I
was released. But instead he showered me
with love and proved that he would be there for me during my recovery.
Knowing how self-reliant I tend to be, I now consider
this to be my “thorn in the flesh” that keeps me dependent on the Lord. When I start to take on too much or feel
like “I got this” it reminds me that I am only where I am today because of
Jesus Christ, my Savior, my Healer and my Redeemer.
Today I’m enjoying my third year of being in what is
considered remission. We had a new start
and moved to a new state, new friends, new church, and new career. Last year my teenage daughter started dealing
with mental health issues of her own and during that time I realized how alone
I felt as a parent dealing with this. I
wasn’t sure who to talk to or where to turn.
After reading Amy Simpson’s book, Troubled
Minds: Mental Illness and the Church’s Mission, and realizing that with one
in four people being diagnosed with a mental illness I was far from alone, so I
went to our church to discuss the need for a support group for those affected
by mental illness. I was given the go
ahead and now help facilitate a support group for anyone affected by mental
illness, whether themselves, a friend or family member.
The verses that I most rely on are:
Deuteronomy
30:19 (NLT), "Today I have given you the
choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on
heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose
life, so that you and your descendants might live!” This
verse reminds me no matter what is happening, that I have a choice to make, and
by choosing life, my descendants might live and I will receive blessings.
2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV), “For God hath not given us the spirit
of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” The
anxiety and fear are not from God. This
reminds me when I’m fearful to call out to Christ to cover me in the spirit of
power, love and a sound mind.
2 Timothy 4:7 (KJV), “I have fought a good fight, I have
finished my course, I have kept
the faith.” This reminds me to never give up, to finish
the course of life that God has given me and to keep my faith, no matter what
my feelings may be trying to tell me.
When I stand before my Creator I want Him to greet me with, “Congratulations,
you finished the course I set before you.”
A huge part of me wants to hide this part of my
past. I’m in a career that I like and
not sure how a disclosure might affect it.
I have friends that I don’t know how they will react. I’m enjoying the stability of remission. Why rock the boat? Why expose this part of me? Why risk it?
The bigger question though is why not?
God has blessed me and when the media only exposes the worst case
scenarios of mental illness, people feel stigma and shame. Shame is different than guilt and is not from
God. Writing this is my way to renounce
the shame and help reduce the stigma.
You are not alone and a diagnosis is not WHO you are and it is not the
end of your life. Psalm 30:5 (KJV), “Weeping may endure
for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”
Please don’t hide alone, fearful and
scared to reach out for help. You are
loved by your Creator, the Comforter, and there are people who understand and
can help.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Burn Prevention
Friday night before my yoga class I sat in the dry sauna for a bit. It's typically pretty hot, like nearly take away your breath hot. But this time it had been turned up to the hottest level possible. It burnt my nose just to breathe, and I ended up getting a cup of water to sip on. The edge of the paper cup was super hot to the touch, but that water, each little sip, was so cool and refreshing.
I couldn't help but think of the Bible story about Lazarus and the rich man. (Read the whole story HERE, Luke 16:19-31) There is a lot more to the story, but the part that stood out was this one verse. Luke 16:24 ‘Father Abraham, have some pity! Send Lazarus over here to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue. I am in anguish in these flames.’ Just in the 10 minutes or so I was sitting in the sauna I was grateful for the multiple sips of water. And that was just a hot sauna, not sitting in fire.
Fast forward to yesterday. It was a beautiful spring day. The first day we were able to get the kayak out on the water, put on swimsuits and enjoy the beach, boating and sun. It wasn't super hot and I really wasn't thinking about sunscreen. I am outside a lot and was ok, EXCEPT the tops of my shoulders. They haven't seen sunlight since early fall. And they fried, as in bright red, look like a lobster, hurt, no doubt will peel, kind of burn. The kind that woke me up every time I rolled over last night. And it was a halter type swimsuit, which meant all day my shirt has rubbed on it. I couldn't believe I had burned my shoulder tops that badly when the rest of me just turned brown. They were so burnt I posted a pic on facebook. And wow! So many of my friends either told me how not to get burnt next time (sunscreen and yes, I should have used it) or told me what to do to relieve the burn (multiple remedies of which I'm trying most).
Friday night's sauna episode had all but been forgotten by this point. But this brought it back to mind as well as thinking about what hell would be like. Being that I have probably the most random thoughts you could think of, I thought about the effort and time that my friends took to post to prevent and help my burn. It made me feel cared for and loved. But its just a sunburn, and just on my shoulders.
What about those we know that don't know Christ? Do we ever take the time to share with them the good news that though we are in a sin filled world, and though we are all sinners doomed to eternal death in a lake of fire, that Christ has died to pay that payment? (For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16) Our redeemer, our Savior, and if I might be so bold, our SONscreen. Of course He is more than just "fire insurance," but rarely do I ever hear anyone mention the word hell anymore. We all want to be "good." So many think that "Christian" and "good person" are the one and the same. And even when we know they aren't, we use the words interchangeably. For example, not long ago I was trying to help someone find a job and the comment back was that I'm such a good Christian person. At that point this person really didn't know me at all. Just because I'm a nice person doesn't mean I'm a Christian person (I AM a Christian, but not because I'm nice or helpful or good). Hell isn't pleasant to talk about. It isn't politically correct. We don't want to feel like our friends think we are judging them. Believe me, I totally get this. But we have GOT to quit thinking and worrying about others thinking that. None of my friends that posted was worried that I would think they were judging me because they were sharing with me ways to prevent sunburn and offering to share sunscreen. And isn't a life spent in hell for eternity much, much worse than a sunburn?
Matthew 7:13 “You can enter God's Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way."
God, please give me the boldness to point out the narrow gate, the way of life, to those I am around and meet. Give me the words to say that guide, not turn away. That show love and grace, not judgment. Help me in my own daily walk to stay on the path of life. To remember today and this life are quickly over, but heaven and hell are forever. To not live in fear of hell, but to walk humbly in grace and gratitude that You have made a way of escape. To be as willing to share with others the things that will effect their eternity, as I am to share the things that are fleeting. Amen.
I couldn't help but think of the Bible story about Lazarus and the rich man. (Read the whole story HERE, Luke 16:19-31) There is a lot more to the story, but the part that stood out was this one verse. Luke 16:24 ‘Father Abraham, have some pity! Send Lazarus over here to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue. I am in anguish in these flames.’ Just in the 10 minutes or so I was sitting in the sauna I was grateful for the multiple sips of water. And that was just a hot sauna, not sitting in fire.
Fast forward to yesterday. It was a beautiful spring day. The first day we were able to get the kayak out on the water, put on swimsuits and enjoy the beach, boating and sun. It wasn't super hot and I really wasn't thinking about sunscreen. I am outside a lot and was ok, EXCEPT the tops of my shoulders. They haven't seen sunlight since early fall. And they fried, as in bright red, look like a lobster, hurt, no doubt will peel, kind of burn. The kind that woke me up every time I rolled over last night. And it was a halter type swimsuit, which meant all day my shirt has rubbed on it. I couldn't believe I had burned my shoulder tops that badly when the rest of me just turned brown. They were so burnt I posted a pic on facebook. And wow! So many of my friends either told me how not to get burnt next time (sunscreen and yes, I should have used it) or told me what to do to relieve the burn (multiple remedies of which I'm trying most).
Friday night's sauna episode had all but been forgotten by this point. But this brought it back to mind as well as thinking about what hell would be like. Being that I have probably the most random thoughts you could think of, I thought about the effort and time that my friends took to post to prevent and help my burn. It made me feel cared for and loved. But its just a sunburn, and just on my shoulders.
What about those we know that don't know Christ? Do we ever take the time to share with them the good news that though we are in a sin filled world, and though we are all sinners doomed to eternal death in a lake of fire, that Christ has died to pay that payment? (For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16) Our redeemer, our Savior, and if I might be so bold, our SONscreen. Of course He is more than just "fire insurance," but rarely do I ever hear anyone mention the word hell anymore. We all want to be "good." So many think that "Christian" and "good person" are the one and the same. And even when we know they aren't, we use the words interchangeably. For example, not long ago I was trying to help someone find a job and the comment back was that I'm such a good Christian person. At that point this person really didn't know me at all. Just because I'm a nice person doesn't mean I'm a Christian person (I AM a Christian, but not because I'm nice or helpful or good). Hell isn't pleasant to talk about. It isn't politically correct. We don't want to feel like our friends think we are judging them. Believe me, I totally get this. But we have GOT to quit thinking and worrying about others thinking that. None of my friends that posted was worried that I would think they were judging me because they were sharing with me ways to prevent sunburn and offering to share sunscreen. And isn't a life spent in hell for eternity much, much worse than a sunburn?
Matthew 7:13 “You can enter God's Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way."
God, please give me the boldness to point out the narrow gate, the way of life, to those I am around and meet. Give me the words to say that guide, not turn away. That show love and grace, not judgment. Help me in my own daily walk to stay on the path of life. To remember today and this life are quickly over, but heaven and hell are forever. To not live in fear of hell, but to walk humbly in grace and gratitude that You have made a way of escape. To be as willing to share with others the things that will effect their eternity, as I am to share the things that are fleeting. Amen.
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