Friday night I went to O2 at 12Stone. I always look forward to these. Just an incredible time of praise, worship and communion. And typically I feel refreshed and renewed after them. This time was no different in that I knew how much I needed this night and came expecting God to move. But I also knew I felt so bone dry that it would take a lot to feel refreshed. Satan had just been having a hay day with my thoughts and continually whispering to me that I was unworthy. Unworthy of God's love and unworthy of God's forgiveness. It seemed like all day long Friday it was a constant onslaught. Enough to where I started to forget about God's grace and feeling like I had to DO something. So much so that at lunch break I drove past the hospital and saw they were doing a blood drive. I pulled in and donated blood, knowing that the blood saves lives and hoping that would somehow make me feel better about myself. Finally it was time to head to O2.
The theme for the night was "I AM." They had a door on the stage to represent Jesus as the door. And all around the worship center they had doors laying on stands and with markers and they opened it up for people to come and write on the doors one word describing who God is to them. I wrote "steadfast." Through all my ups and downs, times of chaos, and my wishy washy attitudes and actions at times, He is unchanging. He is the rock, my unchanging place to run to. No matter what I've done, said or thought, it doesn't change how He views me. He is always there, waiting, with outstretched arms. Even the times I don't necessarily feel it, it doesn't change the fact that He is there. How comforting to know that even if my world rocks around me, He is the steadfast One!
Later in the service it was time for communion. Though I was praising God for being my steadfast One, Satan continued to harass me throughout the service. So much so that I had decided that I wasn't even going to participate in communion. I watched as person after person went forward for communion. I wanted to go but felt burdened and bound and unworthy. Communion time passed and the next song began. They sang Lift High (by Steve Fee).
Broken people call His name
Helpless children praise the King
Nothing brings Him greater fame
When broken people call His name
Lift high, your chains undone
All rise, exalt the Son
Jesus Christ, the Holy One
We lift our eyes to You
Sinners all exalt the Son
Your ransom paid and freedom won
We will see His Kingdom Come
When sinners all exalt the Son
[Repeat Chorus]
Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads
Look on Him
Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads
Look on Him
Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads
Look on Him
Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads
Look on Him
Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads
Look on him
Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads
Lift high, your chains undone
All rise, exalt the Son
Jesus Christ, the Holy One
Lift high, your chains undone
All rise, exalt the Son
Jesus Christ, the Holy One
We lift our eyes to You
We lift our eyes to You
When the choir got to the part "lift high, your chains undone, all rise, exalt the Son" I realized that my chains were undone. Satan was lying to me and making me feel the weight of them, but I was NOT bound by them. All I had to do is shrug them off, stand up and lift my head!! So at that point I made my way down and partook in communion. Thankfully, I still had time because shortly after that they removed the elements of communion.
At the end I did feel some of the typical refueled and refreshed feeling, but I guess the weariness of the struggle all day, all week for that matter, made me want even more. And the neat thing was, at the end they asked us to come back and write "more" on the doors if we wanted to press in for more. He is the I AM, but there is always more of Him to know, to reach for, to grow in.
I woke up in the middle of the night Friday night and again last night with that song playing in my head and me singing along in my mind. I was singing it in the shower this morning! Thank you Jesus, that you have broken my chains, I can lift my head and praise You! Help me remember that my chains are undone, if I'm burdened by them, it is because I am holding on to them, not because You haven't set me free!
