Over this weekend I went to a women’s conference in town called “Thirsty” and the speaker was Lisa Harper. I had never heard of her before, but knew she speaks on the Women of Faith tour and also has written nine books and Bible studies.
The Friday night of the conference was great, but it was the second of three sessions on Saturday that spoke to me most. She was talking about things that happen in your life and that you hear this voice whisper to you that you are dirty, or no good, or aren’t worth anything. She called it the dragon whisper. It just struck a chord within me and gave a name to that tormenting voice….dragon whispers…and a short story formed in my head…
Amelia tossed and turned and something in her subconscious attempted to rouse her awake. Her nose crinkled and her breath came in small gasps, she smelled whispers of smoke and felt her chest constrict. She sat up and shook her head vigorously from side to side willing the fog of sleep from her mind. Blinking, she wondered what it was that had woken her up. And then she heard it, this hissing sound. Quietly and indiscernible at first, but then it became a whisper and the words came…slowly and ruthlessly. “You are worthless, nobody cares, you’ll never be anybody.” At first Amelia was just angry. She shouted, “whoever you are, wherever you are, that isn’t true!” The voice disappeared and she fell back onto her pillows relieved. Later in the shower, as she attempted to scrub herself clean, she smelled the faint whiff of smoke again. Surely it was just steam from the hot shower. And remnants of whatever that awful dream was earlier that morning. But as the day went on, she still would have moments where her chest would constrict in panic and then just as quickly go away. And she would think she could hear the hissing sound again. Cranking up the radio she convinced herself she was just hearing things and was tired. Yeah, tired. Lack of sleep had got to be the reason she was feeling so on edge, so panicky. Tonight she would go to bed early. Tomorrow, she reasoned, she would wake up refreshed. Pulling the quilt up under her chin, she finally relaxed. It was just a bad day, that was all. She would wake up, refreshed and ready for a new day.
As the morning sun shined through the cracks in the blinds, casting zebra stripes of light across the bed, Amelia woke up. Stretching, a smile slid across her face. No smells, no sounds, no voices. Ahhhh, she knew it, she had just been tired. But no sooner had she gotten up the hiss came again. Louder and louder, closer and closer. From all around, she kept spinning around her room, looking for where it was coming from, but seeing nothing. And then, to her horror, the whisper began again. In its quiet insidious way, it began weaving the words into her ears and into her mind. The horrific words couldn’t be true, could they? But even when she covered her ears and closed her eyes, it was there. Amelia realized that if she could hear the whispers even with her ears covered, then it must be IN her, and if the words were coming from her, then with a sickening feeling, she realized the words must be true. Tears came and she plopped down, broken, sad and unsure what to do next.
She had no idea what to do, but figured if she ignored it and could prove the whisper wrong, then it would have to go away. She would do whatever she had to; she would prove to everyone around her that she was worth something, that she was good, that people did need her. Amelia poured all her time and effort into this endeavor. For a bit, she was victorious. The praise of others, at least for a time, was louder than the whisper and random hissing sounds. The occasionally whiffs of smoke tendrils she explained away as traffic exhaust, or the campfire, or neighbors grilling. Of course, Amelia thought to herself, it was all just an over active imagination. She determined to only trust what she could see, touch and feel..and most importantly, explain.
Time passed, but after a while the nightmare began again, more frequently and more loudly. She tried to tell herself that it was just her imagination. She refused to believe it as she couldn’t explain it. But finally, as in the last time, she knew it was IN her. And with frustration, she couldn’t explain it and would be horrified to even attempt to do so to someone else, convinced if she herself didn’t understand, then no one else would either.
The plan this time formed quickly, and seemed to make sense. As ideas often due before they are fully thought out. If the voice was true and it was in her, Amelia knew she would have to battle this one on her own. She was smart, and armed with her new plan she set off. If she couldn’t prove it wrong with her actions, she simply would drown out the voice. So at first, night after night, she drank to quiet the whispers. But no matter how much she tried to drown it, she would still wake up each morning, tossing and turning. Smelling the smoke, hearing the hiss approach and listening to the whispers tossed her way, over and over. Until no logical thoughts could form, only the random whispers, filling every inch of her consciousness. “You are worthless, you are no good.” But now added to that was, “See, you can’t even control yourself, you know what is right, yet you choose what is wrong. You’ll never be anything else but a loser.” The sulfur smell grew stronger and the whispers more persistent. Until no matter what Amelia did, no matter how she tried to act like all was well, the whispers became her constant companion. And though sometimes they became quieter, they never fully left. So consuming were they, she began to see shadows around her. A quick glance and it would disappear but as time went on she saw it more often. And one day, with a start, Amelia realized that the shadow was of a dragon. Terrified she ran and ran. Until utterly exhausted she fell on her face gasping for breath. Though it defied all logic, she finally realized that the dragon was the cause of all her agony. It was from HIM that she would catch the occasionally smell of smoke, tinged with sulfur. It was from HIM that the hissing sound came. And that meant, with a sudden moment of clarity, that the whispers were NOT her, but came from him. Angry, she realized that she had fallen as his prey. Believed the lies whispered to her, believed that she was of no real value, believed that she would continue to fall over and over. And in that moment, she cried out for help. No longer afraid for someone to know about the dragon whispers. Only desperate for help in slaying the dragon.
Amelia slowly got up and with determination in her step, she walked back home, slowly and limping, up the stairway and into her room. There on her nightstand was a letter. It looked old and familiar but she couldn’t remember what it said. She picked it up and saw dust on it. Gently blowing the dust off she flipped the envelope over and slid the letter out. This is what she read, “Then there was war in heaven. Michael and the angels under his command fought the dragon and his angels. And the dragon lost the battle and was forced out of heaven. This great dragon—the ancient serpent called the Devil, or Satan, the one deceiving the whole world—was thrown down to the earth with all his angels.” Stopping she realized that the dragon was real, very real, and the battle was real. Picking the letter back up, she continued reading, “Then I saw an angel come down from heaven with the key to the bottomless pit and a heavy chain in his hand. He seized the dragon—that old serpent, the Devil, Satan—and bound him in chains for a thousand years. The angel threw him into the bottomless pit, which he then shut and locked so Satan could not deceive the nations anymore until the thousand years were finished. Afterward he would be released again for a little while….Then the Devil, who betrayed them, was thrown into the lake of fire that burns with sulfur, joining the beast and the false prophet. There they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.”
With a start Amelia wondered why she had never truly seen this before. Surely she had read it before, it had a familiarity about it. But she had never really thought about it. Though the dragon was free, and had been tormenting her endlessly, it gave her great courage to realize that in the end, the dragon would be defeated. Once and for all. For ever and ever. With that courage, Amelia began talking back to the dragon when it began whispering its lies to her. She told him he would be defeated, that he was a liar, that the One who would ultimately conquer the dragon, had already defeated his power over her. That she was valuable, so valuable in fact that the only One strong enough and powerful enough to defeat the dragon, had in fact given up His own life so that she would live forever.
The dragon, of course, didn’t like hearing this. And in a persistence rarely found in humans, he would return during the most random times to whisper to Amelia. And at times, she would start to listen. And the dragon would hiss in laughter, with tendrils of smoke coming from his snout. But at the sound of the hiss, Amelia would remember who the dragon was, who she was, but most importantly, Who her Savior IS. So she continued to be on guard, to catch and toss out the whispers tossed her way. And in time, the dragon bored of her, left her alone more often. But Amelia knew the truth, though he may not be constantly whispering to her, he was still out there, waiting and watching, so that she had to be on guard and learn to recognize his whispers as the lies that they were. And in confidence she knew that one day the whispers would cease forever when the dragon was thrown in the lake of fire.
-the end.
In my own life I have often battled these whispers, for the most part knowing they weren’t true, yet constantly struggling with them. Never really talking about it to anyone, not sure how to explain it or thinking people would think I’m crazy. Or just brush me off and simply tell me it wasn’t true. But the whispers were so real that at times I wondered if they were in fact my own thoughts and beliefs and would feel the presence so strongly that I would look for the shadows. But Lisa Harper, at the conference, shared her struggles with them, gave them the name…dragon whispers…and reminded us that in the end, the dragon would ultimately be defeated. I enjoy reading my Bible, yet for the most part have avoided the book of Revelation. But hearing about the dragon made me want to read it for myself. You can find all the quotes from the letter that Amelia read in Revelation 12:7-9 and Revelation 20:1-3, 10. (NLT) When I talked to Lisa after the conference, she said that you visually reach out, grab those thoughts, take them captive and shove them away. But in this fallen world, we will always have those moments where at the very least, the dragon will whip his tail around hoping to trip us up. But we can have confidence in knowing how the story will end and that the dragon will be defeated forever.
