Power Balance Bracelet - spread the word?

I am faster, stronger, more focused, balanced, more flexible, etc, etc.  Why? Because I am the new proud owner of a Power Balance bracelet.  These little silicone bands with their "hologram/Mylar material at the core of Power Balance has been treated with energy waves at specific frequencies.  The resulting Mylar is believed to resonate and work with your body’s natural energy flow to help enable you to perform at the best of your ability."  Whether you believe the hype or if it is simply the power of suggestion, these bands have created quite a buzz lately.

Here at our office this afternoon it looked like an episode of The Office.  On our sugar highs from a work room loaded with Christmas goodies and our Power Balance bands that got here this afternoon we put them to the test.  We flexed, stretched and tried to pull each other over.  I'm not sure if we actually accomplished anything in the midst of our teasing and laughing, but I do want to try it out at the gym...where let's just say my, ummm, "gracefulness" isn't always apparent.  Especially while doing lunges with a 20 lb dumbbell in each hand.

Athletes are on YouTube, blogs, tv, commercials, etc touting how much it has done for them.  People see the "change" these bracelets bring about and rush to get one for themselves.  I'm not knocking these people, seeing that I'm wearing a Power Balance Band at the moment!  But my thought is this, if something changes your life for the better, even something as simple as better balance or flexibility, we are quick to tell someone else about it.  Yet as Christians we have been given the eternal life-changing gift that Jesus has given us.  Has He changed you, has He showered you in grace, mercy, and love?  Has He picked you up out of a pit and set your feet on solid ground?  Has He stuck by you when you questioned Him, been mad at Him, even yelled at Him? Has He brought more peace, balance and focus to your life?  And yet how many of us are rushing around telling our friends what Jesus has done for us?

Hopefully when someone sees my Power Balance and asks me about it, I'll have the courage and boldness to not only tell them about the bracelet, but to also tell them about Jesus, the One who has brought the most change to my life.

Affirmations: self-centered or Christ-centered?

Wow...what a ride these last couple of months have been.  It has been very much a growing season in my life.  I know God is trying to teach me that I am not in control and to quit thinking I can tough anything out and do it myself.  Think of a two-year old toddler, you try to help them do anything and they jerk back and scream with, "NO! Me do it!"  That has often been my attitude.  I'm in the midst of Beth Moore's Daniel study right now and we are learning how King Nebuchadnezzar was walking on the roof of his royal palace and declared that it was all done by his power and for his glory.  At that point he became like a animal of the field and for seven years ate grass like cattle, his hair grew like feathers and his nails like claws.  Once he raised his eyes toward heaven his sanity was restored. (see Daniel chapter 4)  Beth Moore commented, "God is not trying to destroy us.  He's trying to keep us from destroying ourselves."  Psalm 119:71 says, "The suffering you sent was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your principles."

So I'm praying that the things I have gone through recently will be beneficial and help me pay attention to the principles of the Lord.  But I keep getting stuck on the pride of issue of  "I got this."  Which is a scary thought, because if this doesn't humble me before God, what would it take?  Would it take wondering the fields, eating grass like an animal for seven years?  I pray not!


During this season I attended some classes and was given some literature.  One is a daily affirmation sheet.  We were told to read this sheet every morning before we left the house.  At first glance, it sounded good, and definitely helped to make you feel better about yourself.  But last night it dawned on me as I really, truly looked closely at it, just how ego-centric it is.  I typed it out below:


1. I feel warm towards ME because I am a unique, one-of-a-kind person, ever doing the best I can, ever growing in love and wisdom.
2. I am in charge of my life.
3. My first responsibility is to learn to love myself more and more. The more I love ME, the better I will love others.
4. I make my own decisions, take credit for the good ones and accept the consequences of the others, but always free of self-accusation, guilt or remorse.
5. I am not my actions; I am the one who acts. I am a fallible human being, who sometimes acts in a good way, sometimes in a not-so-good way.
6. I am my own authority and cannot be hurt or put down by the attitudes or opinions of others.
7. It is not what happens to me that determines whether I feel good or bad, but my attitude toward those things that determine my feelings.
8. I do not have to prove my worth or excellence. I need only express myself as honestly and effectively as I can at any moment.
9. I am free of animosity or resentment.
10. I am a success to the degree that I feel warm and loving towards ME.
11. I am kind and gentle with ME.
12. I live one day at a time, do first things first, one at a time.
13. I am patient because I have the rest of my life to grow.
14. Every experience of my life contributes to my personal growth.
15. No one in the world is one bit more or less important than ME.
16. My mistakes and failures just prove I am human.
17. I am totally free of guilt, shame or remorse.

What a list huh?  I didn't realize until typing it out how often it capped ME and how prideful of ego-centric it is.  It may not be entirely wrong, but as a whole, it totally leaves God out of the picture as being the one who lifts us up, affirms us and gives us our worth.  I started thinking maybe I should try to make a Christian "affirmation" sheet to read. So this is what I came up with:

1. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. (Phil. 4:13)
2. Because of Christ and my faith in Him, I can come fearlessly into God's presence, assured of His glad welcome. (Eph. 3:12)
3. I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources HE will give me mighty inner strength through HIS Holy Spirit. (Eph. 3:16)
4. God has showered me in His kindness, along with all wisdom and understanding. (Eph. 1:8)
5. I am responsible for my own conduct. (Galatians 6:5)
6. I won't get tired of doing good or get discouraged and give up, for I will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time. (Gal. 6:9)
7. I won't worry about anything; instead, will pray about everything. Telling God what I need, and thank him for all he has done. If I do this, I will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. (Phil. 4:6,7)
8. I am a child of the light. (I Thess. 4:5)
9. I will always be joyful and keep on praying. No matter what happens, I will be thankful, because I know this is God's will for me, if I belong to Him. (I Thess. 5:16)
10. I will run from evil things and follow what is right and good because I belong to God. I will pursue a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. (I Tim. 6:11)
11. I will think of ways to encourage others to outbursts of love and good deeds. (Hebrews 10:24)
12. I will think clearly and exercise self-control. (I Peter 1:13)
13. I will be glad during fiery trials because afterward I will have the wonderful joy of sharing His glory when it is displayed to all the world. (I Peter 4:13)
14. Jesus, through HIS divine power, has given me everything I need for living a godly life. (2 Peter 1:3)
15. My heavenly Father loves me so much that he calls me His child, and I really am! (I John 3:1)
16. I am guilty, but no matter how deep the stain of my sins, God can remove it. He can make me as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if I am stained as red as crimson, He can make me as white as wool. (Isaiah 1:18)
17. I will trust in God's unfailing love. I will rejoice because He has rescued me.  (Ps. 13:5)
18. I am created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27)

Each of these verses I read in the NLT (New Living Translation) and then adapted them slightly to make them personal statements. Wonder what a difference it would make to read those statements each morning? And not just reading them, but meditating on them and letting the truths of those verses sink deeply into our souls.  We are made not to be the light and glory, but to reflect His light and glory in us.

I think I'm going to print out my new list and pray that those truths are the truths that I see myself through and in doing that, will change how I act and think.  Not thinking I am good enough, or tough enough, or my own god, but realizing I am nothing without God.  But with Him, I am loved beyond comparison.

Dragon Whispers

Over this weekend I went to a women’s conference in town called “Thirsty” and the speaker was Lisa Harper.  I had never heard of her before, but knew she speaks on the Women of Faith tour and also has written nine books and Bible studies.

The Friday night of the conference was great, but it was the second of three sessions on Saturday that spoke to me most.  She was talking about things that happen in your life and that you hear this voice whisper to you that you are dirty, or no good, or aren’t worth anything.  She called it the dragon whisper.  It just struck a chord within me and gave a name to that tormenting voice….dragon whispers…and a short story formed in my head…

Amelia tossed and turned and something in her subconscious attempted to rouse her awake.  Her nose crinkled and her breath came in small gasps, she smelled whispers of smoke and felt her chest constrict.  She sat up and shook her head vigorously from side to side willing the fog of sleep from her mind.  Blinking, she wondered what it was that had woken her up.  And then she heard it, this hissing sound.  Quietly and indiscernible at first, but then it became a whisper and the words came…slowly and ruthlessly.  “You are worthless, nobody cares, you’ll never be anybody.”  At first Amelia was just angry.  She shouted, “whoever you are, wherever you are, that isn’t true!”  The voice disappeared and she fell back onto her pillows relieved.  Later in the shower, as she attempted to scrub herself clean, she smelled the faint whiff of smoke again.  Surely it was just steam from the hot shower.  And remnants of whatever that awful dream was earlier that morning.  But as the day went on, she still would have moments where her chest would constrict in panic and then just as quickly go away.  And she would think she could hear the hissing sound again.  Cranking up the radio she convinced herself she was just hearing things and was tired.  Yeah, tired.  Lack of sleep had got to be the reason she was feeling so on edge, so panicky.  Tonight she would go to bed early.  Tomorrow, she reasoned, she would wake up refreshed.  Pulling the quilt up under her chin, she finally relaxed.  It was just a bad day, that was all.  She would wake up, refreshed and ready for a new day.

As the morning sun shined through the cracks in the blinds, casting zebra stripes of light across the bed, Amelia woke up.  Stretching, a smile slid across her face.  No smells, no sounds, no voices.  Ahhhh, she knew it, she had just been tired.  But no sooner had she gotten up the hiss came again.  Louder and louder, closer and closer.  From all around, she kept spinning around her room, looking for where it was coming from, but seeing nothing.  And then, to her horror, the whisper began again.  In its quiet insidious way, it began weaving the words into her ears and into her mind.  The horrific words couldn’t be true, could they?  But even when she covered her ears and closed her eyes, it was there.  Amelia realized that if she could hear the whispers even with her ears covered, then it must be IN her, and if the words were coming from her, then with a sickening feeling, she realized the words must be true.  Tears came and she plopped down, broken, sad and unsure what to do next. 

She had no idea what to do, but figured if she ignored it and could prove the whisper wrong, then it would have to go away.  She would do whatever she had to; she would prove to everyone around her that she was worth something, that she was good, that people did need her.  Amelia poured all her time and effort into this endeavor.  For a bit, she was victorious.  The praise of others, at least for a time, was louder than the whisper and random hissing sounds.  The occasionally whiffs of smoke tendrils she explained away as traffic exhaust, or the campfire, or neighbors grilling.  Of course, Amelia thought to herself, it was all just an over active imagination.  She determined to only trust what she could see, touch and feel..and most importantly, explain. 

Time passed, but after a while the nightmare began again, more frequently and more loudly.  She tried to tell herself that it was just her imagination.  She refused to believe it as she couldn’t explain it.  But finally, as in the last time, she knew it was IN her. And with frustration, she couldn’t explain it and would be horrified to even attempt to do so to someone else, convinced if she herself didn’t understand, then no one else would either.

The plan this time formed quickly, and seemed to make sense.  As ideas often due before they are fully thought out.  If the voice was true and it was in her, Amelia knew she would have to battle this one on her own.  She was smart, and armed with her new plan she set off.  If she couldn’t prove it wrong with her actions, she simply would drown out the voice.  So at first, night after night, she drank to quiet the whispers.  But no matter how much she tried to drown it, she would still wake up each morning, tossing and turning.  Smelling the smoke, hearing the hiss approach and listening to the whispers tossed her way, over and over.  Until no logical thoughts could form, only the random whispers, filling every inch of her consciousness. “You are worthless, you are no good.” But now added to that was, “See, you can’t even control yourself, you know what is right, yet you choose what is wrong.  You’ll never be anything else but a loser.”  The sulfur smell grew stronger and the whispers more persistent.  Until no matter what Amelia did, no matter how she tried to act like all was well, the whispers became her constant companion.  And though sometimes they became quieter, they never fully left.  So consuming were they, she began to see shadows around her.  A quick glance and it would disappear but as time went on she saw it more often.  And one day, with a start, Amelia realized that the shadow was of a dragon.  Terrified she ran and ran.  Until utterly exhausted she fell on her face gasping for breath.  Though it defied all logic, she finally realized that the dragon was the cause of all her agony.  It was from HIM that she would catch the occasionally smell of smoke, tinged with sulfur.  It was from HIM that the hissing sound came.  And that meant, with a sudden moment of clarity, that the whispers were NOT her, but came from him.  Angry, she realized that she had fallen as his prey.  Believed the lies whispered to her, believed that she was of no real value, believed that she would continue to fall over and over.  And in that moment, she cried out for help.  No longer afraid for someone to know about the dragon whispers.  Only desperate for help in slaying the dragon. 

Amelia slowly got up and with determination in her step, she walked back home, slowly and limping, up the stairway and into her room.  There on her nightstand was a letter.  It looked old and familiar but she couldn’t remember what it said.  She picked it up and saw dust on it.  Gently blowing the dust off she flipped the envelope over and slid the letter out.  This is what she read, “Then there was war in heaven.  Michael and the angels under his command fought the dragon and his angels.  And the dragon lost the battle and was forced out of heaven.  This great dragon—the ancient serpent called the Devil, or Satan, the one deceiving the whole world—was thrown down to the earth with all his angels.”  Stopping she realized that the dragon was real, very real, and the battle was real.  Picking the letter back up, she continued reading, “Then I saw an angel come down from heaven with the key to the bottomless pit and a heavy chain in his hand.  He seized the dragon—that old serpent, the Devil, Satan—and bound him in chains for a thousand years.  The angel threw him into the bottomless pit, which he then shut and locked so Satan could not deceive the nations anymore until the thousand years were finished.  Afterward he would be released again for a little while….Then the Devil, who betrayed them, was thrown into the lake of fire that burns with sulfur, joining the beast and the false prophet.  There they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.”

With a start Amelia wondered why she had never truly seen this before.  Surely she had read it before, it had a familiarity about it.  But she had never really thought about it.  Though the dragon was free, and had been tormenting her endlessly, it gave her great courage to realize that in the end, the dragon would be defeated.  Once and for all.  For ever and ever.  With that courage, Amelia began talking back to the dragon when it began whispering its lies to her.  She told him he would be defeated, that he was a liar, that the One who would ultimately conquer the dragon, had already defeated his power over her.  That she was valuable, so valuable in fact that the only One strong enough and powerful enough to defeat the dragon, had in fact given up His own life so that she would live forever.

The dragon, of course, didn’t like hearing this.  And in a persistence rarely found in humans, he would return during the most random times to whisper to Amelia.  And at times, she would start to listen.  And the dragon would hiss in laughter, with tendrils of smoke coming from his snout.  But at the sound of the hiss, Amelia would remember who the dragon was, who she was, but most importantly, Who her Savior IS.  So she continued to be on guard, to catch and toss out the whispers tossed her way.  And in time, the dragon bored of her, left her alone more often.  But Amelia knew the truth, though he may not be constantly whispering to her, he was still out there, waiting and watching, so that she had to be on guard and learn to recognize his whispers as the lies that they were.  And in confidence she knew that one day the whispers would cease forever when the dragon was thrown in the lake of fire.
-the end.


In my own life I have often battled these whispers, for the most part knowing they weren’t true, yet constantly struggling with them.  Never really talking about it to anyone, not sure how to explain it or thinking people would think I’m crazy.  Or just brush me off and simply tell me it wasn’t true.  But the whispers were so real that at times I wondered if they were in fact my own thoughts and beliefs and would feel the presence so strongly that I would look for the shadows.  But Lisa Harper, at the conference, shared her struggles with them, gave them the name…dragon whispers…and reminded us that in the end, the dragon would ultimately be defeated.  I enjoy reading my Bible, yet for the most part have avoided the book of Revelation.  But hearing about the dragon made me want to read it for myself.  You can find all the quotes from the letter that Amelia read in Revelation 12:7-9 and Revelation 20:1-3, 10. (NLT)  When I talked to Lisa after the conference, she said that you visually reach out, grab those thoughts, take them captive and shove them away.  But in this fallen world, we will always have those moments where at the very least, the dragon will whip his tail around hoping to trip us up.  But we can have confidence in knowing how the story will end and that the dragon will be defeated forever.

Does Your Grass Need Mowing?

I hate to even admit this, but our backyard is starting to resemble a jungle.  The front would too, but sod is a little more forgiving than the field out back.  It is probably due to a couple of reasons, but one being we let a friend borrow our gas can, a few weeks ago, and he still has it.  And for some reason, the lawn mower just won't crank without gas.  Strange, I know.  So the reality is, it needs cutting pretty badly.  As in the back looks like a postcard perfect picture of a wild meadow, complete with purple weed flowers, bouncy puffballs of dandelions in the breeze and hidden patches of briers.  Which is its true roots, being that the one acre bit of land we own on this planet was a cow pasture until they came a few years ago with bulldozers and smoothed out a flat area on the hill, built our house and sodded the front part.  It is bad enough that the kids came to me this morning and commented on it.  Now my point isn't the fact that our yard in in major need of cutting.  But more in the progression to this stage.  The first week that we didn't mow it, it really didn't look that different.  It gets mowed weekly normally, and it might not have that fresh cut look, but it still looked nice.  Week two it is starting to get a little scraggly, but the front still looks fine.  Week three it looks like we need to mow it, but it wasn't embarrassing, just more a fact that it could use being cut.  Monday will be the start of week four.  There is now no mistaking the need for mowing.  Seemingly overnight, what seemed just like a little overgrown grass sprouted wild flowers and dandelion blooms.  It doesn't take a genius to figure out it hasn't been properly kept up.  Though I have to say, that the front still looks pretty good, especially when you compare it to our neighbor's front yard, which is no longer sod, but wild grass and weeds.  And you can't see the back unless you go out the back or leave the neighborhood and drive behind our property.  But when the kids came and told me today that there were weeds in the yard,  it came to me that sin can be like that in our lives.  So I told them, that is how sin can be.  You slack off and it starts to show up, slowly at first, creeping in, barely rearing it's head...but the more you ignore it, the more it grows.  Until one day you wake up and realize your life is in shambles, full of weeds and briers.  Sometimes our sin is disguised, maybe like a wildflower, so that we think it looks good, but deep down it is still just a weed or sin.  Our yard naturally tries to go back to that state of being a pasture full of wild grasses and weeds.  We as humans have a tendency to revert back to our human, sinful nature.  It takes constant care...mowing, watering, weeding, fertilizing and cutting out the bad to keep a yard looking nice.  And just as the lawn mower can't run without gas, you need refueling too. Like the lawn, your spiritual life takes constant care...watering with God's word, fertilizing and refueling with Bible study, church and Christian fellowship and weeding out harmful thoughts, desires and actions.  Are you letting small sins creep in, thinking it doesn't really look that bad, or isn't noticeable?  Thinking that you can fix it before it hurts anything or anyone knows?  Or do you look at the sins as wildflowers and are blinded to the true nature of them?

So this weekend as we tackle our yard and bring it back under control, think about your spiritual life.  Are you busy comparing yours to your neighbors and thinking since theirs looks so bad, yours isn't really that bad?  Or do you work at keeping the front sodded and nice and neat while ignoring the less visible back? What areas need mowing?  What areas need weeding?  What areas needs watering?  What areas need fertilizing?  What tools are at your disposable that need attention or refueling to work properly?

Get Out of That Pit...my condensed version

If you know me at all, you know I love Beth Moore.  She wrote a great book called, Get Out of That Pit: Straight Talk about God's Deliverance.  It is a great book.  But when I lead the service at the jail I don't have time to read them an entire book.  The last time I taught I felt like this was a lesson they really needed to hear though as it meant a lot to me.  So I condensed the book into one session with my thoughts and verses I thought were important.  So if you aren't a big reader, here is my condensed version. (all verses are from the NLT)

Psalm 40:1-3 "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire.  He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.  He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God."
Pits don't always mean you are in a stronghold of sin.

IDENTIFY THE PITS

"You feel stuck." 
Isaiah 42:18-23 "Oh, how deaf and blind you are toward me!  Why won't you listen?  Why do you refuse to see?  Who in all the world is as blind as my own people, my servant?  Who is as deaf as my messengers?  Who is blind as my chosen people, the servant of the Lord?  You see and understand what is right but refuse to act on it.  You hear, but you don't really listen.  The Lord has magnified his law and made it truly glorious.  Through it he had planned to show the world that he is righteous.  But what a sight his people are, for they have been robbed, enslaved, imprisoned, and trapped.  They are fair game for all and have no one to protect them.  Will not even one of you apply these lessons from the past and see the ruin that awaits you?"

No matter what you do, say or try, you can't seem to get yourself out.  We often give up at this point.

Jeremiah 38:6 "So the official took Jeremiah from his cell and lowered him by ropes into an empty cistern in the prison yard.  It belonged to Malkijah, a member of the royal family.  There was no water in the cistern, but there was a thick later of mud at the bottom, and Jeremiah sank down into it."

I remember during the "Flood of 1994" in Albany, Georgia, my brothers and I rode over to Lake Blackshear.  This once huge lake was empty in the aftermath of destruction.  One of my brothers, with some egging on by his older siblings (that would include me), decided to see how far into the middle of the lake he could walk.  He didn't get far before he sank into a mud pit.  The more he pushed to get out, the more he sunk.  Before long he was in it about to his waist and both arms up past his elbows from where he tried to push himself out.  We ended up pulling him out, but on his own, he was totally stuck.  At some point in our pit though, we realize that we don't have to stay there.

"You can't stand up."
Psalm 69:1-3 "Save me, O God, for the flood waters are up to my neck.  Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can't find a foothold to stand on.  I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me.  I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched and dry.  My eyes are swollen with weeping, waiting for my God to help me."

We fight a spiritual battle with a real enemy.  If we want to be victorious we have to stand.
Ephesians 6:11-13 "Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil.  For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.  Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy int he time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm."
Psalm 40:2b "He set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand."

Satan knows that if you are in his pit, you will feel powerless to stand up to him.

"You've lost vision."
Pits tend to be windowless and dark.  Without windows we get convinced we have no where else to go.  After a while we feel too buried in our present state to feel passionate about a promised future.
Ephesians 1:18 "I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the wonderful future he has promised to those he called.  I want you to realize what a rich and glorious inheritance he has given to his people."

HOW DO YOU GET INTO A PIT?

1. You are thrown in.
Genesis 37:23, 24 "So when Joseph arrived, they pulled off his beautiful robe and threw him into the pit.  This pit was normally used to store water, but it was empty at the time."
You can be thrown in by tragedy, by violent crime, by life threatening disease, by financial loss, by rejection, etc, etc.

2. You slip into a pit.
This pit we put ourselves into - only we didn't mean to.  You want to blame someone else, but you can't.   Insanity comes into play when we repeat the same actions, expecting something new, but the results are always the same.  Examples:
You were just going to watch your weight - yet you ended up with an eating disorder.
You meant to only borrow the money - yet ended up bankrupt.
You only meant to get some pain relief - yet ended up addicted to pain medication.
You only meant to have some romance - yet you ended up falling in bed with him.
Psalm 94:18-19 "I cried out, 'I'm slipping!' and your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me.  When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer."

3. You jump into a pit.
You know what you are about to do is wrong, but the desire outweighs common sense and you take the plunge.  But sometimes the pit turns out deeper and the consequences higher than you ever thought.  Makes me think of the current headline news in Atlanta, where the 26 yr old lady drove drunk and killed the Governor's intern.  She chose to drink, but never in a million years did she really think that right now she would be sitting in jail on DUI and murder charges.
Psalm 19:13 "Keep me from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me.  Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin."
We deliberately sin, yet still blame God.. We can't blame Him for our choices.
James 1:13-16 "And remember, no one who wants to do wrong should ever say, 'God is tempting me.' God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else either.  Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires.  These evil desires lead to evil actions, and evil actions lead to death.  So don't be misled, my dear brothers and sisters."

THREE STEPS OUT OF THE PIT

1. Cry out.
(Ps. 106:44,45; Ps. 9:9,12; Ps. 116:1-2; Ps. 3:4)

2. Confess.
I John 1:8-9 "Let the light of God shine all over your sin so the two of you can sort it out and He can heal you."

3. Consent.
God's will IS for you to get out.
I John 5:14-15 "And we can be confident that he will listen to us whenever we ask him for anything in line with his will.  And if we know he is listening when we make our requests, we can be sure that he will give us what we ask for."

My thoughts on Validation, Codependency and Insecurity

Apparently I’m a slow learner so God has to tell me stuff over the course of several months and through several different venues to get it to start to sink into my head.

Last week I was meeting with someone and she basically told me that I needed to stop getting my validation from men, specifically from my husband.  That you can never be really happy until you get your validation from God and can stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself and be happy with what you are doing, knowing you have made those choices for yourself and God, and no one else.  I wasn’t sure at first if I agreed with the statement that that is what I was doing.  So I decided to dig a little deeper.

First I looked up the definition of validate. In simple terms it means to prove valid; show or confirm the validity of something.  From Wikepedia… “In common usage, validation is the process of checking if something satisfies a certain criterion. Examples would include checking if a statement is true (validity), if an appliance works as intended, if a computer system is secure, or if computer data are compliant with an open standard.”  So if I’m checking to see if all my choices or what I wear, or how I look, or what I cook, etc, etc satisfies his standard or criteria, then I am looking to him for validation.  One of the dangers in this, is that if you are looking to your spouse to validate you, and they don’t, it is very easy to fall into the trap of finding someone else that will.

Thinking on the term validations made me think of codependency so I looked that up.  From the book, Love is a Choice, comes this definition. “In this interpersonal codependency, the codependent has become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self - personal identity - is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems. Additionally, codependents can be like vacuum cleaners gone wild, drawing to themselves not just another person, but also chemicals (alcohol or drugs, primarily) or things - money, food, sexuality, work. They struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves.”  And later in that book, “A codependent’s sense of self-worth is tied up in helping others; Christianity says that a person has worth simply because he is a human being created in God’s image. Ones self-worth is separate from the work one does or the service one renders. Codependents have difficulty living balanced lives; they do for others at the neglect of their own well-being and health; Christian faith calls for balanced living and taking care of oneself. Codependent helping is joyless; Christian service brings joy. Codependent are driven by their inner compulsions; Christians are God-directed and can be free from compulsiveness, knowing that God brings the ultimate results.”
Both of these things probably all tie in with insecurity.  A subject that I studied earlier this year through Beth Moore’s book, So Long, Insecurity and then in April by going to her conference on that subject.

I don’t “feel” insecure, or codependent or even that I have set up my husband to be the person to validate my worth.  But the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’m seeing that often my actions belie my feelings.  If one negative comment from him can change my whole attitude, then I'm letting his opinions validate my opinions and feelings.  The lady last week told me that I was placing unrealistic expectations on my husband by seeking his approval and praise for my choices and how I feel and not only would it free him up to let that go, but that guys in general are much more attracted to confident women.  She said make life changes for yourself and for God, not anyone else. To be proud of myself for my changes, not to need someone else's approval to be proud of them.  That gave me a feeling of de je vu since another close friend had nearly said the exact same things to me before.   And Beth Moore had said, “When the average guy see the woman in his life hold her own in the face of intimidation, he is impressed.  At the end of the day, both men and women want to be with someone they can respect.”  So what is confidence? Again from Beth Moore, “Confidence is driven by the certainty of God-given identity and the conviction that nothing can take that identity away.”

More quotes from Beth Moore that really stood out to me on this topic:

“If we knew who we were and what God has conferred upon us, what everybody else thought of us would grow less and less significant.”

“The jagged death trap of thinking that we’re only as valuable as we are sensual and that if no one loves us, at least they could want us is all too familiar to me.”

“Let Him (Christ) tell you you’re worth wanting, loving, even liking, pursuing, fighting for, and yes, beloved, keeping. Whatever you do, don’t reject the only One wholly incapable of rejecting you.”

“We are called to cherish, support, and pray for others, but tying our security to them is a lost cause.”

During my quiet time this morning I was reading II Corinthians 6:8 (NLT). “We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us.  We are honest, but they call us impostors.” The footnotes in my Life Recovery Bible say, “When we live for God and follow his program for godly living, others will react to us in one of two ways.  Some honor us as genuine and support what we are trying to do; others will malign and dishonor us.  If we are trying to impress others to bolster our self-esteem, we will be devastated when people react negatively.  This may lead us to give up on what we have started.  Paul received his self-esteem from his relationship with God and did not need to be honored by others.  He knew that he could never please everyone anyway.  If we live to please God, we will find that as we build healthy relationships with others we will have joy.”

God has called me first and foremost to be a wife and mother.  It doesn’t always feel like the most significant job, but our jobs are not where we should derive our significance from.  We are created in the image of God, how much more special can you get than that?!  My responsibility is to do what I know God is asking of me, not to crash and burn out trying to attempt to do it all or make everyone happy, even if those things are “good” things or ministry related.  And even though my job is to be the best wife I can be, it doesn’t mean that all my decisions or my worth are to be based on what my husband wants me to do or say or act.  So today I’m dressing myself in dignity and continuing each day to ask God to lead me in every step forward I take.  His “stamp of approval” is the only one that truly matters.  Now if I could just remember that all the time!

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25

Geocaching - New Hobby

I think our family has found a new hobby.  It's called geo caching. "Geocaching is a high-tech treasure hunting game played throughout the world by adventure seekers equipped with GPS devices. The basic idea is to locate hidden containers, called geocaches, outdoors and then share your experiences online. Geocaching is enjoyed by people from all age groups, with a strong sense of community and support for the environment."  We have only found two so far, but that was with inadequate equipment.  Downloaded the full version on my iPhone today, will try it out tonight.  JS spent a good portion of yesterday hunting with his uncle and cousins so hopefully he can help us out.  He said he found one yesterday that had a snake, yes a real snake, in it.  Not in the actual container, but in the place where the container was hidden.  Last night we found our second one, but it was tricky. JS even had it in his hands at one point and put it back.  Took us 45 minutes and confirmation from someone that had previously found it to realize that was the cache. The hiders are quite sneaky as we are finding out and you really have to think beyond just looking for a "box."  You also have to get over looking like an idiot to random folks...as yesterday we were wandering all over a grocery store parking lot and the day before up and down the side of a busy highway! LeAnne left for Camp Hope on Sunday, so she hasn't joined in on the fun yet.  Hopefully, she will have as much fun and it will be a great, inexpensive family hobby.

Betty Cannon (obit)

Cannon, Betty

Age: 78 Passed Away: 2010-06-03 Funeral Home: Mathews Funeral Home

Betty M. Cannon ALBANY — The memorial service of Betty M. Cannon, 78, of Albany, GA who died Thursday, June 03, 2010 at her residence, will be conducted Friday at 11:00 A.M. at Mathews Funeral Home. Rev. Tom Newman will officiate. A native of Fulton County, GA, Mrs. Cannon grew up in Decatur and graduated from Decatur High School in 1948. She had resided in Albany since 1962 and was a chemical sales representative with the Cannon Company. Survivors include her husband, Dallas Russell (Rusty) Cannon of Albany, three daughters, Linda Cannon Pipkin and her husband, Jeff and Teresa Cannon Stewart and her husband, Ronnie all of Albany and Patricia Cannon Luke and her husband, Preston of Leesburg, seven grandchildren, Reiley Pipkin of Albany, Dan Stewart of Bogart, GA, Ron Bowyer and his wife, Hannah of Auburn, GA, Chris Bowyer and his wife, Melinda of Gainesville, GA, Dal Spring and his wife, Jennifer and Jenna Luke all of Leesburg, six great-grandchildren, David Bowyer, Christopher Bowyer, Joshua Bowyer, James Bowyer, LeAnne Bowyer and Langston Spring. The family will receive friends from 10:00 A.M. until 11:00 A.M. prior to the service at Mathews Funeral Home. Those desiring may make contributions to Albany Community Hospice, P.O. Box 1828, Albany, GA, 31702. To sign our online registry or to send condolences to the family, you may visit Mathews’ website at www.mathewsfuneralhome.com. Mathews Funeral Home Albany 229/435-5657

Dot-Dot Stewart (Obit)

Stewart, Dorothy J.
Age: 90 Passed Away: 2010-02-04 Funeral Home: Kimbrell-Stern Funeral Directors
Dorothy J. Stewart ALBANY — Dorothy "Dot-Dot" Jenkins Stewart, 90, of Albany, died Thursday, February 4, 2010. Her funeral service will be MONDAY 11 AM at First Baptist Church of Albany. Interment services will be at 2:30 PM at Sumner Cemetery, Sumner, GA in Worth County. The Rev. Dr. Butch Knight will officiate. Mrs. Stewart was born in Sumner, GA and had lived in Albany for many years. She was a member of the First Baptist Church of Albany and worked for 45 years in the nursery at the church. She was preceded in death by her husband Alexander Cleveland Stewart, Jr. Mrs. Stewart is survived by her two sons: Ronnie Stewart and his wife Teresa; Alex Stewart, all of Albany; 4 grandchildren: Dan Stewart, Ron Bowyer, Chris Bowyer, Angie Elliott; 7 great-grandchildren; a brother: Harry Jenkins and his wife Ruby, Indialantic, FL; numerous nieces and nephews. The family will receive friends at Kimbrell-Stern Sunday from 6-7:30 PM. Those desiring may send memorials to Camp Hawkins, c/o First Baptist Church of Albany, 145 Oakland Parkway, Leesburg, GA 31763, or Albany Community Hospice, P.O. Box 1828, Albany, GA 31702. You may sign the online guestbook and share your own memories with the family of Dorothy "Dot-Dot" Jenkins Stewart by visiting Kimbrell-Stern's website at www.kimbrellstern.com. Kimbrell-Stern Funeral Directors Albany 229/883-4152

Brief catch-up on family events

Boy, does time fly fast!  So far it seems to have been a pretty eventful summer..and it has just started.
We took the kids to Forsyth to meet their grandparents on May 30.  All the grandkids were going down to Albany for a week for the annual "Camp Grandma." 

Monday, May 31, Memorial Day, Ron and I went with Joey and Natalie and their boys to the Renaissance Festival in Atlanta. It was fun and we got some funny pictures.  They had a lot of those cut out things where you put your face in them and take a pic.  It was amazing how clean the house stayed with them gone.  Mainly the fact that there wasn't a zillion cups all over the counter tops when I got home from work each night. 

Then on June 3, Ron's grandmother Cannon died.  She had lung cancer.  His grandmother Stewart died the first week of February.  So, as I had predicted at the beginning of the year, it has definitely become the "year of the grandparents."  We got up in the wee hours of the morning on June 4 and headed to Albany for the funeral.  She was cremated, so that was a new thing for our kids.  She is going to be missed.  She really cared about all of us and I remember her picking out very specific things that she knew we would like for Christmas. 

Came back the next day and that night went to a concert in the park sponsored by our church. 

Sunday, June 6, after church we went with Joey and Natalie to Lake Hartwell.  They have a boat and our families had a blast tubing, boating and swimming together.  We met up with another mutual couple and their boat out there so ended up with two boats and 18 people!

Sunday at church they started a new series called, "No Perfect Families Allowed."  The kids really like our church and we have been attending since October 2009 and it has definitely become our home church.  So on the way home Ron started teasing the kids.  He said, "well guys, I hate to tell you but we are going to have to find a new church."  They both started asking "Why?! Why?!" and he replied, "because we are the perfect family, so we aren't allowed."  Both started loudly arguing why we were NOT the perfect family.  It was so funny listening to all their reasons.  Then Ron laughed and told them, "I guess we get to stay there then." 

Last night Ron and I went on a date night.  We have been doing this much more frequently and loving it!  Last night we had dinner at Chili's.  I like them because they aren't very expensive and they have "guiltless grill" items that are low in fat and calories.  Then I had a free movie ticket so we went and saw Prince of Persia.  Neither of us were real impressed with the movie.  But it was fun just to go....the theater was nearly empty and we had the "love seat."  Ummmm, cozy.  And with no kids we didn't have to bother with popcorn, cokes, candy, etc.  I am so falling in love all over with him!  We have done a lot more as a family together lately too.  Nothing huge per se or wildly exciting (other than the sailing trip) but just some fun quality time together.

Looking forward to what the rest of the summer brings...

Progress & Perspective - How You View It

Kind of had one of those "ah ha" moments today.

I was feeling like I have been treading water and not making any real progress in some areas.  Would think there was progress then have a set back or start to struggle with the same issues again.  Over and over, what was starting to feel like a vicious cycle.  To the point where even when things are going good, it had me always slightly on edge, knowing that it wouldn't stay that way.  Just kind of wearing on me, discouraging me and making me start to lose my perseverance. I have progressed enough to realize that with everything in life, this too shall pass.  But get tired of waiting on whatever the current situation is to pass.  You know the times where you just want to throw up your hands and say "I give up!" Yes, it WILL pass, but I'm tired of fighting and feeling like I'm not making any progress.  Was talking with someone about that today and she was saying that often in the middle of something you can't see your own progress.  Sometimes you have to step back and view it from a different perspective.

It made me think of working out with my personal trainer.  I've had a personal trainer for a couple of months now.  We train twice a week at the gym.  The very first session I had with her I thought she was trying to kill me!  Nearly threw up and couldn't believe how out of shape I felt. This week we met again, and like every session I left totally exhausted and feeling still out of shape (though at the same time I felt good and had that good kind of sore feeling).  Started getting discouraged with the fact that I leave every session very conscious of how much work I still have to do and not feeling like I'm making much progress since every session is so difficult.  Here is the part I had forgotten....she changes up the sessions...they are never the same...and they are, in fact, getting harder.  Her job is to constantly push me harder and further so that I actually make more progress.  But it wasn't until I looked back on my first session and did some of those exercises, the ones that originally I had thought were killing me, and being able to do them OK, to realize that I really have been making progress all along.

That was where I had my "ah ha" moment.  Just like I couldn't see the progress at the gym during my current work out session, I can't always see my personal progress.  To see my gym progress I had to go back and see where I used to be and compare it to that.  Same thing with my personal struggles.  During them I have a hard time seeing progress.  But stepping back and seeing it from another person's perspective or remembering how I have handled similar situations in the past, then I can see that I really am making progress.  In the past I might have made rash decisions or over reacted to a similar feeling or situation.  Today I thought it through, could see far enough ahead to realize that this would change and took a proactive step by talking it out with someone who could help give me a clearer perspective, encourage me and give me advice.  That is progress!  Actually a lot of progress for me, who tends to bottle up or mask how I feel with most people and not actually deal with it or overreact and possibly do something stupid.

Does that make how I'm feeling right now any easier? Not really.  But does it encourage me and give me the perseverance to keep at it and not give up?  Absolutely!

"So don't get tired of doing what is good.  Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time." Galatians 6:9 (NLT)

Last Day of School

I can't believe how long it has been since I blogged about anything at all.
A couple of weeks ago we went on an awesome sailing trip, sailed up the inter coastal waterway off the coast of Savannah and went to an island in St. Catherine's Sound.  We slept on the boat at night and explored the island during the day.  We saw a sea turtle, tons of dolphins, horseshoe crabs and jellyfish.  It was a blast and a great family experience!

Today was the kid's last day of school.  James Stephen is now an 8th grader.  LeAnne will move up to middle school as a 6th grader.  So hard to believe my "baby" is now a middle school kid.  It was hard for me today as I left her elementary school realizing that I probably won't ever be back.  JS started there in PreK so I have been at that school quite a bit in the last nine years!  She had a 5th Grade Honor's Program at school today and got three awards.  One for having all "As" all year, one was a Certificate of Achievement from Duke University TIP program (Talent Identification Program) and the "big" one was the President's Education Award for Education Excellence for Outstanding Academic Excellence, signed by President Obama and the U.S. Secretary of Education.  You go girl!  So proud of both of my kids.  They are growing up fast though.  I have loved every second of being a mother.

O2 - "I AM"

Friday night I went to O2 at 12Stone.  I always look forward to these.  Just an incredible time of praise, worship and communion.  And typically I feel refreshed and renewed after them.  This time was no different in that I knew how much I needed this night and came expecting God to move.  But I also knew I felt so bone dry that it would take a lot to feel refreshed.  Satan had just been having a hay day with my thoughts and continually whispering to me that I was unworthy.  Unworthy of God's love and unworthy of God's forgiveness.  It seemed like all day long Friday it was a constant onslaught.  Enough to where I started to forget about God's grace and feeling like I had to DO something.  So much so that at lunch break I drove past the hospital and saw they were doing a blood drive.  I pulled in and donated blood, knowing that the blood saves lives and hoping that would somehow make me feel better about myself.  Finally it was time to head to O2.

The theme for the night was "I AM."  They had a door on the stage to represent Jesus as the door.  And all around the worship center they had doors laying on stands and with markers and they opened it up for people to come and write on the doors one word describing who God is to them.  I wrote "steadfast."  Through all my ups and downs, times of chaos, and my wishy washy attitudes and actions at times, He is unchanging.  He is the rock, my unchanging place to run to.  No matter what I've done, said or thought, it doesn't change how He views me.  He is always there, waiting, with outstretched arms.  Even the times I don't necessarily feel it, it doesn't change the fact that He is there.  How comforting to know that even if my world rocks around me, He is the steadfast One!

Later in the service it was time for communion.  Though I was praising God for being my steadfast One, Satan continued to harass me throughout the service.  So much so that I had decided that I wasn't even going to participate in communion.  I watched as person after person went forward for communion.  I wanted to go but felt burdened and bound and unworthy.  Communion time passed and the next song began.  They sang Lift High (by Steve Fee).

Broken people call His name
Helpless children praise the King
Nothing brings Him greater fame
When broken people call His name

Lift high, your chains undone
All rise, exalt the Son
Jesus Christ, the Holy One
We lift our eyes to You

Sinners all exalt the Son
Your ransom paid and freedom won
We will see His Kingdom Come
When sinners all exalt the Son

[Repeat Chorus]

Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads
Look on Him
Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads
Look on Him
Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads
Look on Him
Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads
Look on Him
Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads
Look on him
Lift up your heads
Oh oh oh lift up your heads

Lift high, your chains undone
All rise, exalt the Son
Jesus Christ, the Holy One
Lift high, your chains undone
All rise, exalt the Son
Jesus Christ, the Holy One
We lift our eyes to You
We lift our eyes to You

When the choir got to the part "lift high, your chains undone, all rise, exalt the Son" I realized that my chains were undone.  Satan was lying to me and making me feel the weight of them, but I was NOT bound by them.  All I had to do is shrug them off, stand up and lift my head!!  So at that point I made my way down and partook in communion.  Thankfully, I still had time because shortly after that they removed the elements of communion.

At the end I did feel some of the typical refueled and refreshed feeling, but I guess the weariness of the struggle all day, all week for that matter, made me want even more.  And the neat thing was, at the end they asked us to come back and write "more" on the doors if we wanted to press in for more.  He is the I AM, but there is always more of Him to know, to reach for, to grow in.

I woke up in the middle of the night Friday night and again last night with that song playing in my  head and me singing along in my mind.  I was singing it in the shower this morning!  Thank you Jesus, that you have broken my chains, I can lift my head and praise You!  Help me remember that my chains are undone, if I'm burdened by them, it is because I am holding on to them, not because You haven't set me free!

Garden of the Soul

Disclaimer: this is a deviation from my normal postings.  I'm going to delve into the world of creative fiction today.  Sometimes I get these stories and words that just clog my mind, I can hear the words and even if I close my eyes I can see words floating by.  Faster and faster so that before long all I can hear is this huge static noise in my head.  Then I can hardly function or sleep or work or even drive because of the distraction.  I've tried many different ways to get rid of this buzz or static or whatever you want to call it.  I try to get louder than it, turn my radio up, or try to drown it, or any other number of ways to deal with it.  But have finally realized that the only way to calm the noise is to start typing and unscramble all the flying words into something that hopefully makes some kind of sense.  Most of the time that helps, I can then throw away or delete it and I'm good to go.  But today, I have the urge to keep these words, once I get them in some sense of order.  Call me crazy or whatever, but it's my blog so here goes...

Once upon a time there was a young girl.  And from the time she was very young she was given her own special garden.  Nothing pleased her as much as skipping through her garden barefoot.  Feeling the soft, warm earth squish between her toes, stopping to pull up a wriggling earthworm, or just gently running her fingertips across the young, gentle leaves of the small sprouts.  This was a very special place, and for the most part the sun shined happily upon the girl and her garden.  Rain gentle watered it and both the garden and the girl flourished.  One day the girl learned to read and noticed signs at each row of plants.  The signs read, "trust", "love", "security", "hope", "peace", and "joy".  She didn't know what the words meant, but it didn't matter to her, nothing could change how much she loved the garden and the feeling that overcame her at seeing her precious plants grow beautiful and strong.  With delight she watched each new leaf unfurl and lift it's head to the warmth of the sun, or gently bow down as the rain drops slithered down it's stalk.  But one day she came running to her garden and to her dismay some rabbits had been nibbling on the leaves of the plants.  It had never occurred to her that anyone, or even any creature would harm the garden.  She pondered what to do and decided to build a fence.  It wasn't high or strong or even wide, but she thought it would define her space as hers.  And for a time, all was well in her garden.  But once again, something broke through and damaged the tender shoots.  This time she built the wall a little stronger, a little taller and a little wider.  In the fence she added a gate...with a lock.  Again, time passed and she continued to enjoy her garden.  Occasionally she would look around and feel sad that she had to build the wall, but she didn't know how else to protect the garden.  Naively she felt that with this new stronger wall and a locked gate no creature could enter.  And in a way she was right, no creature could enter her garden.  But one day a person kicked and fought and ripped the gate off of it's very hinges, the plants were ripped and the straight rows were scattered.  She was devastated.  It took a while to rebuild this time.  The roots were all intact though so the plants continued to grow.  However, the garden didn't give her the pleasure it once did.  Instead of joyfully running to her garden each afternoon she warily walked down the path, wondering if yet again it had been broken into and pieces of it left in shreds.  How could she so freely play in her garden, knowing in the back of her head, that it could be taken from her?  Each day she carefully latched and locked the gate behind her and for many years it seemed that all would finally be ok.  She gradually relaxed and one day she met a gardener.  He promised to help her care for her garden, to help water it, to keep the weeds and creatures out, to expand it and to walk side by side with her down the rows and rejoice together in the beauty of the garden.  He said all he needed in return was the key to the gate.  She held the key in her outstretched hand and very slowly, finger by finger, released the key until it dropped into the waiting hand of the gardener.  And while he seemed to work and enjoy her garden nearly as much as she did, she started noticing things.  Storms would happen more frequently.  The once gentle rain that helped the plants to grow became fierce storms where the rain pelted the leaves so hard sometimes they tore and the wind would rip through without mercy.  But after each storm the gardener would assure her that it was normal, that this is what the real world and real gardens were like.  He was the gardener after all, so gradually she came to believe him and accept this as a normal part of owning a garden.  But while she accepted this as normal, she still had an innate urge to protect the plants and in desperation she built a very strong, very tall wall around it.  Yet, the gardener still had the key.  This new wall didn't always help and she became desperate at times.  At night she would sneak into the garden and water it with her tears.  This seemed to help the wilting plants to a degree, but it never lasted.  She became more desperate.  Even angry.  And one day in her anger, she went to the garden and cut the leaves, kicked the dirt and shouted at the plants.  "Just go away, you once made me happy, but now you frustrate me."  But after the emotion faded she looked around with great sadness and regret at the damage done to the garden, by her own hands.  She wanted to cry and gently lift the plants back up, but she knew the tears didn't really work, and besides, she had none left.  But the roots were still intact, so the plants once again tried to sprout.  She realized that the garden would never be the place it was when she was young, when they were both young, the little barefoot girl and the soft, young sprouts.  When all was optimistic and full of joy and hope and only rainbows existed and storms never came.  No matter what happened, she knew that garden was part of her, and she could never leave it and somehow over the course of time, the roots of the plants in the garden were intricately tied into her very soul.  No matter what happened to the garden, the plants kept their roots and stood firm.  But the gardener was jealous of the garden.  And he secretly began spraying poison on the ground around the base of the plants.  This was done a little at a time, but each day he added more poison.  It wasn't noticeable at first, but the girl finally realized that the plants no longer lifted their heads in joy as they reached for the sun, they no longer were able to drink up the nourishment from the gentle rains.  And that the storms covered them in splatters of mud.  She was bewildered at this change.  For from the outside all seemed to be in order.  The sun still shined, though the clouds often blocked it.  The rains still fell, though more in the viciousness of a storm.  The wind still brought oxygen, though often roughly instead of a gentle breeze.  Still she was perplexed.  The plants continued to shrivel, turn brown and dry up.  This made the girl sad because she realized that now matter how strong a wall she could build, it wouldn't help her plants this time.  One day as she was walking to her garden, she walked slowly with her head hanging down and in doing so she noticed something off of the path.  She stepped from the well worn trail into the weeds growing along the edge and saw the edge of a container.  She feared she knew what it was, yet felt this strange compulsion to pull it out and hold it in her hands.  She grasped it and with a tug it flew upward.  It was what she had feared.  A huge container of poison.  She sucked in air, feeling like none of it was reaching her lungs and with lurching steps stumbled to her precious garden, flung the gate open and saw with gut wrenching heartache that the plants were dead.  What more did she have to live for?  The garden wasn't just her most precious thing...it WAS her.  She wandered up and down the rows, looking for any signs of life, and occasionally would give a start as she thought she saw green, but she would touch it, and it would fall off into her hands.  How could she just abandon the garden?  She knew she could never leave it, dead or not.  So each day she slowly put one foot in front of another and almost painfully took the path toward the garden.  But each day was the same, and she would fall against the great wall she had built, and slide down to the earth.  Now dry and crusty.  No longer soft, warm and welcoming.  At times she wished she could just lie down in the dirt and die like her precious plants, yet deep in her was still life, a heart beating, strong and steady.  By this time she no longer bothered locking the gate, who would even want a garden filled with dead plants?  Inside the walls was no longer a thing of great beauty, but of sadness and destruction.  She didn't know how long she continued to visit the garden each day, but one day there was someone else in the garden.  Sarcastically she asked him, "Having fun?  Do dead plants amuse you?"  He didn't run, just looked at her slowly and gently.  At last he spoke and said, "I am THE gardener."  "Humph!" she replied, "yeah, I know all about gardeners..."  He didn't say anything but instead knelt down into the dirt and reached a hand out to a dry, brown wilted stalk and slowly lifted it up.  She thought his behavior quite odd, but even more strange was that she noticed holes in his hands.  She didn't know what to say to him, but figured at this point, why bother caring what someone said or thought about her.  So boldly she asked, "How come you have holes in your hands?"  He didn't respond, look her way, or move at all.  Just continued to gently hold the stalk in his hand.  Extremely curious now, she took a step forward and squatted down to see what this odd person was doing.  In amazement she noticed that at the base of the stalk a green streak was growing.  How could this be?  The roots were dead, weren't they?  But the green was growing taller and wider.  She quickly blurted out, "How'd you do that?"  This time the stranger did turn toward her.  He held out his hands and said, "I am the GIVER of life, the keys to life and death are in my hands, and your garden I purchased with my life.  That is how I got these nail scars.  If you will allow me to be your gardener, besides I am the only TRUE gardener, I will bring your garden back to life."  She wanted to run and fling her arms around him, she wasn't sure what was stopping her, or why her feet felt like lead.  Finally she gave in to the desire and rushed toward him, watering his shirt and her plants with the tears she thought she no longer had.  She glanced around and the first green plant she saw was on the row marked "hope."  Yes, she thought, if my plant "hope" can grow, then surely the rest of the garden can also come back to life.  In that moment she gave her garden to Him, every dirty row, every wilted plant, even every storm beaten stone in the wall surrounding the garden.  For she knew, with Him all things are possible!

I'll Pray For You

You know the scenario.  You and a friend are talking and you end up saying something or they say something and the response is, “Oh, I’ll pray for you.”  We Christians do it all the time.  The visit ends and you part ways.  Hopefully you remember and say a quick prayer for your friend.  But have you ever had someone stop right then and say, “Do you mind if I pray for you right now?”  It means a lot doesn’t it?  I have a friend like that.  It doesn’t matter if it is 2 am in a motel room at a conference that we have to be back up for by 6 am or on the phone, Robbin has just stopped and prayed for me right then and there.  And it has always meant a lot to me, it wasn’t just a Christian phrase or platitude, it was sincere.  Since then I’ve started noticing times when I could do the same.  But so often I don’t.  The other week at the jail a lady came up to me after the service to ask for prayer.  I did stop and ask her if I could pray for her right then.  I grabbed each of her hands in my hands and just started praying over her.  It was all Holy Spirit, it was awesome and definitely not just me saying words.  She and I could both feel the presence of the Lord and I think I would have kept praying for quite a while if the guard hadn’t come and rushed me out of there.  But more often then not, I let an opportunity for both me and another person to be blessed, pass me by.  Well apparently God is trying to get this into my head because it has come up several times lately and then yesterday there was a small article about it in the February 2010 HomeLife magazine.  It states almost exactly what God has been telling me. Allow me to share:

Prayer Farce

“I’ll keep you in my prayers.” Have you offered these words of comfort to someone and then failed to follow through with your commitment? This means you’ve missed an opportunity to meet with God on someone’s behalf. For Christians, prayer is not optional and should not be taken lightly. Casually telling others you’ll pray for them and not really meaning it is counterfeit Christianity. And telling others you’ll pray for them just so you have the right words to say is a farce of faith – and an abandonment of God’s provision. When you offer prayer – and follow through – you unleash the power of God Almighty against adversity. The book of James reminds us that “the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (James 5:16b, NIV). Prayer changes lives. It sustains the hurting through tough times. It provides hope for restoration. And prayer battles the enemy. This is why prayer is not a casual promise. If you’re not going to pray for others, zip your lips. But know this: When you intercede for others, your own walk with God goes to a deeper place. So get real. When you make a prayer promise, mean it. And then do it.

On the next page in the magazine under a section titled, Prayer Unleashed, this suggestion jumped out at me:

The absolute best time to follow through with a prayer promise? In the presence of the person in need. Simply ask, “May I pray for you right now?”

Wow…so right there in print, was almost word for word what God has repeatedly been laying on my heart.  For me, it isn’t so much the fact that I don’t pray for them…I do.  I actually keep a post-it note on my work computer monitor of people to pray for by name each day. But was more the concept of praying for them WITH them, right then and there.

“Dear God, may I not pass up on the opportunities You present for me to unleash Your mighty power.  Please don’t let pride or fear stand in the way of what You would have me to do.  Give me the boldness to come before Your throne, with confidence that as Your child I can come with requests and You are always available and there.  No matter the location or time of day.  You, who know the number of hairs on our head, care about our every worry, no matter how great or small.  Forgive me for the times that I’ve felt something was too small to come to You about.  Thank You for all You have taught, and continue to teach me, despite my stubbornness to learn.  I love You Lord!”

Changing the World - One Person at a Time

Today at church the service was on Nehemiah (session 3).  I have to admit, I was zoning in and out pretty badly during church.  But Nehemiah is one person, who changed his world.  At the end of the service they had a family come up and share about their recent adoption.  They just adopted a son (they already had three children of their own) from Ethiopia.  The mom was talking about how there are 147 million orphans in the world.  147 MILLION!!  That number can seem so overwhelming.  And as often happens when things are overwhelming, we end up choosing to do nothing at all.  But this family knew that they couldn't change the lives of all 147 million, but they did have the ability to change the life of one.  They showed some video of them at the airport bringing their new little son home.  Plus it just so happened that they sat two rows in front of us during church so I had already sat there making faces and grinning at this little fellow.  To then imagine him orphaned and starving, suffice to say, it was moving.  Everyone in the family, including the little guy, had on t-shirts that said "147 Million" on the front and on the back they said, "Minus 1."  He told us it might not be adoption for all of us, it may be something entirely different.  We were encouraged, that though we may not be a person that changes the whole world, we CAN change the lives of at least one.

 Fast forward to this afternoon.  LeAnne and I headed to the mall to get out for a bit since there wasn't much else to do with all the rain.  Afterward we stopped to get some gas.  I pulled up behind this guy who was pacing, on his cell phone and had his gas cap open.  I get out to pump my gas and hear God speak to me.  Not audibly, but very clearly.  Don't get me wrong, it isn't like I've never heard Him speak to me, but typically it is in a more generic fashion.  Help someone today, don't do that, you get the idea...  But this time it was specific.  "That man is out of gas and I want you to go over there and put some in his car for him."  My first response was "Uh God, I only have enough for half of what I normally put in my own vehicle and if you don't know, I don't get paid again until NEXT weekend."  But it was way to clear and specific for me to ignore.  While I'm pumping my gas I watch him walk over and talk to a younger lady and she just shook her head and turned away.  He continues pacing.  I finish pumping my gas and close my gas cap.  With a deep breath I say "Ok God, not sure why or what exactly this is about, but I'm going to obey."  As I start to walk over to him I shout out, "hey, do you need some gas or something?"  Not very original, but I'm a little out of my comfort zone at this point.  He starts desperately trying to tell me that he lives in Athens and accidentally left his money home and can he borrow some money.  I tell him that I don't have any cash, and before I can explain I see his face just fall.  Quickly I explain that I will, however, go put some gas into his car.  Walk over to his car, swipe my card in the gas pump and I began pumping gas.  He profusely thanked me and I told him to please just pass it on.  He said he would, hopped in his car and drove off.  I probably should have taken the opportunity to tell him about the Lord and that God told me to put gas in his car, but I didn't.  I pray that he was able to see God work through me through my actions, even if I didn't say it.  Got back in my truck and had the great opportunity to explain what had just happened to my daughter, who had sat in the truck watching the whole time.  She may not be able to change the whole world either, but now she knows it IS possible to change something for someone around you.  Even if it is for a stranger that you will never see again.

More Than a Membership...

My relationships with gym memberships has been a nearly constant thing for most of my adult life.  During my late teens I never really saw the need for one.  I was very active, fit, tall and at times bordered on scrawny.  When teased at times with names like "String Bean" or "Pole Bean," I never considered that one day I would really miss being called that! Doing commercials via magazines, newspapers and TV (all local level) and even getting stopped once in Orlando by someone wanting to know if I was interested in modeling runway looks, I never really saw the need for a gym membership.  That, however, all changed after the birth of my son.  Within a week of my six-week post natal check up I was signing up for a gym membership.  I had always lost weight super fast with just slight changes but most of the time could eat anything I wanted, whenever I wanted with no problem.  A whole bag of Doritos, washed down with 20 oz of Mountain Dew while watching a movie at night had never been a problem.  Now, suddenly, I was faced with the realization that this time it was going to take some work to get off my baby weight.  Went to the gym faithfully until one day there I broke my foot.  Then not long after that I got pregnant with my daughter.  To make a long story short, ever since then I have been a member at one gym or another, and though at times I would really put a lot of effort into it, most of the time I quickly ran out of steam and then I just "showed up."  Meaning a nice stroll on the treadmill or a few lunges, not enough to do much of anything, but enough to say I went and make me feel better.  Though at times I bemoaned the way I felt and looked, for the most part I became complacent.  With excuses like well I just don't have an athletic build or it's in my genes. But recently I was faced with the fact that being healthy and losing weight is more than a membership at a gym!  On November 23, 2009, I went to a new doctor who did a complete blood work up on me.  A week later the results showed triglycerides over 200, cholesterol at 196, pre-diabetic sugar levels, as well as very low B12 (under 200).  Nothing like black and white to get you motivated, especially after my Dad's heart attack in July of 2009.  They say numbers don't lie, and mine were yelling at me to make some serious changes!  We made arrangements for weekly B12 shots and I found a program where I can keep a detailed food/exercise diary on my phone.  My phone is always with me, so no excuses as to why I didn't log something.  Started interval training, weight lifting and to throw some fun into it, tried some new things like yoga and pilates.  On January 11, 2010, I went back for more blood work.  Now keep in mind that that six-week period covered the major "food" holidays!  Yesterday I got my results back.  My triglycerides are now at 85 (down by over half!), cholesterol is at 161, blood sugars are in the normal range and my B12 is up to 783.  As a really  nice by-product I'm also down about 15 pounds.  I love that, but seeing those numbers typed out really siked me up!  Could go on about nutrition tips, work out tips and the like, but that is not my point to this blog.  The point is that a gym membership alone did NOT change my health or my weight.  It took work, effort, consistency (even when frustrated at not being able to see changes), and determination to change.

How about your relationship with Christ?  Is it more than a membership?  Does your Christianity consist of saying, "Yes, I'm a member of ___________ church and I show up faithfully!"  Christianity was meant to be more than a membership.  It is meant to be a relationship with Jesus Christ, with each of us being a part of the body and having an important role to play.  I Corinthians 12:12-27 talks about that.  Our Christian walk is more than a membership, it is a growth process.

Paul wrote, "I have never stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you might grow in your knowledge of God." (Ephesians 1:16, 17)   

"Under his direction, the whole body is fitted together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love." (Ephesians 4:16)

For we are joined together in his body by his strong sinews, and we grow only as we get our nourishment and strength from God. (Colossians 2:19)

So how about it?  Is it time for you to have a spiritual fitness check-up? (to help you get started on testing your spiritual fitness and growth, read Galatians 5:22-26 and see what the fruits of the Spirit are) Is your walk getting sluggish or stale? Have you gotten complacent about where you are at spiritually?  Feeling like it is unattainable or seeing someone that you admire and just thinking, that is them, no matter what I do I won't ever be a Beth Moore, or a Billy Graham, or whoever you admire? Are you going to let your relationship with Jesus just be a membership or are you going to do the real work to grow and learn?  It isn't an exclusive thing, it is for EVERYONE.  Dig in and discover the benefits of being a healthy, growing Christian!

Glasses, Esther, Writing and a New Perspective

The ladies Bible study group I'm in met tonight, the first time since before Thanksgiving.  Boy, was it good to be back!  "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."  (Proverbs 27:17, NIV)  We each individually learn things from our study, but as we come together and share, we learn even more.  We are continuing with the Beth Moore Esther series.  Beth said something that really stuck out to me, even though it wasn't even a statement actually about the story of Esther.  I sometimes wonder why I bother taking the time to write some of my thoughts, observations and things the Lord is teaching me.  Don't get me wrong, I write some things just so my kids will have some written history as well as for myself to be able to go back and see how He is working and changing and growing me.  But why in a blog and why post it where others can read it? Granted I have been busy during the holidays and haven't taken the time to write, but I also was feeling a bit of 'why bother.'  So how does this tie into what Beth Moore said?  She said when she was first asked to write homework for Bible studies she really didn't know how.  So she just took what she thought was interesting, wrote it down and hoped others would find the same things interesting.  That is kind of like my blog, I'm not writing for anyone in particular, just what I find interesting or thought provoking and hoping maybe someone else will benefit from it as well.  Then after the DVD one of the ladies in the study said something encouraging about my writing.  She had no idea my thought process about what Beth had said earlier in the night.  So it was like confirmation to me to keep up with my writing.

Over the holidays, I had an eye exam and ended up with glasses.  Sunday I could actually read the screens during the praise and worship time!  It would probably help if I wore them all the time, but alas, vanity along with the thought that I don't really look good in them has been keeping me from wearing them as much as I should.  I wore them home driving tonight and was able to read some signs on the side of the road.  It just really hit me how much clearer I was able to see and how they brought things into focus.  Reminded me of the verse in I Corinthians 13:12, "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." (KJV) The New Living Translation words it this way: "Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now."  This tied into more of what we learned tonight.  We saw how God's hand is throughout the entire Bible, the "scarlet thread" that connects it all.  Esther couldn't always see what the outcome would be.  She was simply obedient.  But her job was not the "how" of the situation.  So often we think we have to figure out the how of a situation, when that is actually God's job.  While Esther slept, God kept the king up and set up a sequence of events that become a pivotal turning point (Esther 6).  What Beth Moore called the "Reversal of Destiny."  She said that "these reversals are part of the literary tapestry that will open our eyes to see..."  Often we can't see exactly what God is doing at the moment, but as we trust in Him, we can be assured that whether we can see it right now, or in the future, He IS at work! May I realize that though I can immediately see clearly in this earthly realm with my glasses, that there is more to it than the here and now.  That one day I will see ALL things clearly, that I will see the beauty and tapestry not only in Gods' Word but the reversals of destiny in my own life and the amazing hand of God in the midst of every detail.  That I am not responsible for the "hows" of life, but that the One who sees all things completely is in control.

2010 Resolutions

I have got to be one of the worst at New Year's Resolutions.  Not only do I seem to make unattainable goals, I make them broad, generic and with no real plan on how to accomplish them.  My first inclination at curing this was to just simply not make any this year.  Problem solved!  However, deep down, I'm too list orientated to not at least come up with something.  So this is what I have so far, in absolutely no particular order, but at least they are attainable and most have some sort of plan on how to accomplish them.

1. Renew my concealed weapon permit. I pulled it out while riding to Savannah only to realize it has been expired for three years now.  If I wish to carry my .380, I really need to do so legally.

2. Do 30 minutes of cardio at least four times a week.  Just saying I'm going to get healthier has been too broad for me.  This gives me a definite goal.  Plus it is a weekly goal, so if I mess up one week, I can start new the next week.  Unlike year long goals where it takes you until the end of the year to realize you didn't quite make it.

3. Sign up, train for and finish a 5K race.  I don't have to run the whole thing, have a great finish time or anything like that.  I just want to do it, and not be the last person to cross the finish line.  So to this end I am planning on participating in the Atlanta Track Club's Women's 5K Run on March 27, 2010.

4. Have another couple over for dinner, at least five times, this year.  We are good about casual hang-outs, pizza delivered, rent a movie and just chill out.  But we never have sit down dinners.  Got some place mats, "real" napkins (my poor kids didn't even know there was such a thing as cloth napkins!) and am aiming at having a dinner every other month.  This will not only help with my hosting skills, but will teach the kids hospitality and hopefully expand their table manners.

5. Claim a new church home.  We have been visiting New Community since October and pretty much like it.  But still in that stage of saying "we are visiting."  If we are going to keep visiting there indefinitely, I'd like to make it a permanent decision.  Though this isn't entirely up to me.

6. Incorporate more family time.  We, as a family, got several new games for Christmas.  I'm not ready to declare any one particular day every single week as game night, but am thinking more along the lines of having two per month, with each one being on or around each child's date of birth, and that child getting to pick the snack and games we play.  So the 14th of each month would be LeAnne's, while the 26th of each month would be James Stephen's turn.

7. Continue to look for God speaking to me in the little things of everyday life.  I've been so caught up in the busyness of the holiday season that I haven't really taken the time to be quiet, watch and listen to what He might be teaching or showing me.

8. If I don't have the cash for something, I don't buy it.  This is kind of self explanatory. Which in reality, for the most part, is learning more of what is a need, versus what is a want.  Extreme emergencies aside, the credit cards are going to take a hiatus for a while.

9.  Put some money in savings each pay period.  I don't care if some weeks I can only put $5 in, baby steps are how most things start.

10. Continue to learn how to respond instead of react.  Ok, so this one is a bit more broad without a definite "thing" I can grasp or measure progress by.  But felt it was an important goal to continue to strive to do better in.

There are several other things I want to work on this year...some big, some small, some only for God and I to know about.  But at least these 10 are for the most part something concrete and doable that I can aim for.

Ringing in the New Year in Savannah

Thursday, December 31 - New Year's Eve
After I went to the gym, we headed to Savannah to celebrate Christmas and New Year's with Ron's dad and Sherry.  It was drizzly and foggy and a horrible day for travel.  Before we even got out of Atlanta we got rear-ended on I-75.  A lady hit an old man in a minivan who then hit us.  Thankfully no real damage done and we just decided to not waste time calling the police, but to just keep traveling.  The traffic was horrid and right in front of us that person had to swerve to keep from hitting the car in front of them. And then as we got over the hill there was another three car wreck, only they weren't as fortunate as we were and they had a flat-bed tow truck there.  We finally got to Savannah around 6:00 pm.  Freshened up a bit and headed to the Market Place downtown for some pizza at Vinnie Van Go-Go's.  It turned out to be much warmer down there and was a beautiful night.  They had a DJ, music and people throwing out party beads and shooting t-shirts from a t-shirt cannon.  People, including lots of families and children, were dancing in the square to the music, under the light of the full (and blue) moon.  Most of us got beads thrown to us and I caught a t-shirt.  Went back to the condo to ring in the new year.  Jonathan (Ron's brother), Melissa and their son, Alexander came up from Jacksonville.  It was really pretty low key, we walked out to the dock, then stayed up until midnight and toasted in the New Year.  This was the first year we let the kids have a glass of champagne.  They disliked it as much as I do.  It's more of a tradition than anything else.

Friday, January 1 - New Year's Day 2010
Wow, this decade has flown by!  Seems not long ago everyone was in a tizzy about Y2K and whether all the computers would still work.  Big Buddy and Sherry cooked us an awesome breakfast...Eggs Benedict. I went and checked out the neighborhood gym.  Then Ron and I went shopping at one of the two malls and I got some new sweaters and a new scarf.  Then our highlight of the day was finding a Blockbuster that was going out of business.  All the DVD's were $2.99 each.  We bought about ten of them.  They were pretty new ones too, like Gran Turino, Spiderman 3 and Mall Cop.  For dinner we had all the traditional "fixin's."  Greens, black-eyed peas, ham plus corn, cornbread, fried okra and potato salad.


Saturday, January 2
Started the day with another great breakfast...pancakes, bacon, sausage and eggs.  Then headed to downtown Savannah.  We were going to tour the Juliet Lowe house and LeAnne even had her Girl Scout vest on, but it turned out they were closed until January 15.  Big bummer.  We did go to the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist.  Boy, was it beautiful!!  Plus it was a great chance to explain about Catholics some to the kids.  They had questions about the candles, holy water, confessional and kneeling bench.  James Stephen thought it was cool they had foot rests, so I showed them how to flip them down and use them as kneelers.  LeAnne bought and lit a candle and said a prayer for someone, never told me who.  It was still decorated for Christmas and had the most detailed Nativity scene I have ever seen.  I took a lot of pictures, but none really show the true beauty of the place, or the quiet, peaceful feeling inside.  We just sat on a bench for a while in quiet, just soaking it all in.  The kids (ha, who am I fooling?)... I wanted to cross the bridge over the Savannah River into South Carolina.  So we did that and it was an incredible view of River St. and downtown Savannah.  Came back to the condo just as Chris, Melinda and their boys were arriving.  For dinner we had a low country boil.  Didn't realize that my kids loved crab legs, but they ate them up!  After dinner, Sherry, Melinda and myself went to the other mall and I bought a couple more shirts.

Sunday, January 3
Got up and went to the gym.  Came back in time for grits, sausage and biscuits and gravy.  We hung around for a bit then headed back home.  Couldn't believe how quickly our "long" weekend seemed to fly by!