Quitting

Pastor Steve Vaggalis at Destiny Worship Center preached an incredible sermon on Quitting this past Sunday.  You can hear it here.  He said there are two ways to quit.  One is be default and one is by design. Default is when you tell yourself to quit.  Design is when God tells you it is time to quit.  He said there are three reasons we quit by default.  They are because of despair - the absence of hope (despair distorts reality), indifference (which is selfish), or discouragement - the loss of confidence.  We need to quit by design.  Somethings we need to quit, there is a season and time for everything.  "Be relevant, not a relic."  God has designed an end for us, our job is to complete and end well.  Jesus didn't die by default but by design, he had fulfilled his destiny. "It is finished" John 19:30

Today I was walking around the dunes and the beach and saw these palm trees.  You can tell they have been beaten down and battered by storms, wind and rain.  Their trunks bent, twisted and deformed.  Their roots are exposed to the elements and vulnerable to being damaged even more.  They are weighed down with the old baggage of dead foliage.  But even with all that, you can see green coming out the tops, their roots obstinately clinging to the shifting sands.  They still have a purpose on the dunes and they didn't give up, they are there, until by design, it is time for them to die.  And yes, I know that a strong enough storm could take them out, but when they go it won't be because they were too discouraged to keep growing. So often when we are beat up by the storms and raging winds, our feet slipping as we strive to find solid ground, feeling the weight of our past, bowing down low to the ground we just want to quit. But at this point, what you choose to do next is so critical.  It all reminded me of the sermon. Don't despair, don't be discouraged.  You are never beyond a comeback! God can do the impossible.  Hang in there!    

Dear God, may I never quit by default, but only by Your design.  May I finish my life strong and end well.

Dive Story: A Parable of Sorts

Lifting my face upward, the ripples of water glint and gleam as the rays of sunlight push downward through more than 80’ of water to where I’m at on the seafloor.  While it’s mesmerizing, I can’t survive on my own in this ecosystem.  My body requires oxygen to live.  Thankfully I have that all important air, strapped onto a tank on my back, and for at least 45 minutes that trip I am free to swim with the sharks, fish, lobsters, starfish and crabs; to explore a whole new world.  To swim through caverns and turn a corner to see the edge of the reef wall drop into a sheer cliff hundreds of feet deep.  I quickly reach behind me to grasp the hand of my husband, my dive partner.  While holding his hand doesn’t change the circumstances, it is a reassuring touch that I’m not alone in this world.

Did I wake up that morning and decide to just walk off the back of a boat into the middle of the Caribbean? Of course not, I took classes, and then practiced what I was taught, was tested on those skills and became a certified SCUBA diver first.  Breathing underwater can be dangerous, and it doesn’t come naturally to some of us.  There are many skills to be learned, and they are taught in a confined, safe environment of a swimming pool with lifeguards and experienced divers to lead the way.  Another interesting thing with diving is that you aren’t certified and then good to go for the rest of your life.  If you don’t practice on a somewhat consistent basis what you’ve been taught, then every three years or so you have to take a refresher course.  Why?  Because diving involves many tiny choices, risks and decisions that could easily be a matter of life and death.  And it isn’t only your skills that need upkeep, but equipment can rust or clog, BCD’s can get holes, air tanks can get stale, hoses can lose pressure. Divers get this.  Truly we get it, and we care because it is critical to our well-being.

But after a while you may begin to think you don’t need the expert, the lifeguard, the boat captain.  No sir-ey.  You’ve been diving for years, and on an impulse you just hop on a jet ski and head as fast as you can out to sea.  You don’t have a buddy with you.  You don’t have your tools in case of equipment malfunction.  Heck you didn’t even bother to check your gear at all! 

Diving around, swimming with the fish, seeing the sights, taking it all in you think what a joke that you never did this before.  You just wasted your time rechecking the equipment every time, it hasn’t failed before, so why would it now? And buddy systems, who needs them? They just slowed you down and sometimes your buddy kept you completely away from a new area you really wanted to explore and see for yourself.  This, now THIS is the life, this is how it’s meant to be explored, and lived, with the thrill of reckless abandon to do whatever you want with no hindrances.  

But then, a chill comes over you, a shadow crosses by.  You spin around trying to catch a glimpse, but all you see is an eerie shadow circling just beyond the field of visibility.  As the sense of panic begins to grow you start grasping at your gauges.  The water temp is dropping, your heart rate is increasing and you realize that your air tank is dangerously close the red empty line.  You gasp and as you do you hear a hissing sound and bubbling, the sound of your regulator leaking.  Now spinning and reeling around, you desperately reach behind you for the dangling cord of your octopus.  Only to remember you didn’t bother to bring a back-up.  Sadly you realize that you had all the tools you needed all along, yet you chose to let them fall into a state of disrepair. Your last chance is to make it to the surface.  Fighting panic that urges you to swim upward as fast as possible, to just get out the quickest way possible, to go home and pretend this nightmare never happened, but you also know it would cause your lungs to explode. So you decide to slowly get yourself up and out of this mess, but in the midst of all the panic you can’t remember which way is up.  Now while in training they set us up for that scenario, and while we laughed in the pool with the rest of the class at the thought of actually having no clue of which way is up and which way is down, I do remember the instructor saying to just look for the bubbles.  They are the proof and they always rise upward.  Within a few minutes, but what feels like hours later, you finally break to the surface of the water and gasp in that sweet, sweet fresh air.

So why does it seem so much harder in other life circumstances to realize that the same concept applies? Why do we think the rest of living we can do without training or help along the way? While I wouldn’t go diving off a boat in the middle of the ocean without proper training, certification and equipment all too often I do the equivalent by impulsively rushing forward into some reckless source of excitement or distraction or moment of pleasure.  Then a lifeguard comes along, drags you to the surface and offers to teach you the tools you need to live a very full life, but within the confines of boundaries God has given for our safety. You read the study books; start putting it into practice, turn and share with others what you’ve learned.  And slowly but surely you think you have it down.  You begin to think that maybe, just perhaps, all the rules and boundaries are set for the newcomers, not for you.  You can handle the fun and excitement without the hassle of the rules and regulations.  Complacency sets in, sometimes followed by a sense that you are missing out on something more, and that’s when the above scenario starts to take place.  

God’s Word is the truth and like the bubbles.  No matter how confused we feel, when we can’t seem to grasp what is up and what is down, His Word stays the same, always pointing toward the Light, always rising upward.  Sometimes we completely run out of air and need a buddy to come along, to buddy breath with us and share some of their oxygen until we can breathe on our own.  We have to rebuild our tool boxes, and sometimes that includes painfully scraping off the rust, scrubbing the mold off and even at times ripping off old dry rotted O-rings and replacing them with new ones.  Friends come along like our gauges, and when we don’t know which way we are headed they point us to the compass, they show us when we are getting too close to the red danger line, they help us to keep our tanks full with encouraging words, God’s Word and by sharing what they have learned along the way.  And just like when I dove the wall in Cozumel and reached behind me for the comforting touch of my husband’s hand, we need friends to simply be there and let us know we will be ok.

I’ve been on diving training classes and there have been divers that have been certified many years longer than myself but haven’t been in a while so are re-taking the skills class.  Do they sit around moping because it’s been a while since they went diving and now they need to repeat and practice their skills in a refresher class? Do they hang their heads in shame that they are asking for the help of a dive master when they themselves have been diving for so many years? Of course not! They actually are leading the way and showing the rest of us that we are never beyond needing others or updating our skills and the equipment that we have. Showing that using the buddy system isn’t just for novices, but that everyone needs a partner to stay safe. Then why oh why, as God is pointing out areas in my life that I felt I could go at it alone but have failed, do I feel shame? 

But right now, at this moment, I don’t.  Instead I feel a very large sense of gratitude that I am here, and that He is such a patient teacher, willing to shape me and hone my skills into something of usefulness. That He is opening doors and bringing new people into my life that are willing to tell me when my compass is pointing the wrong direction or that my tank is running low.  May I be humble enough to know life can’t be lived solo, that I need others, that I need safety boundaries and humble enough to ask for help when I think I’m drowning.  To remember that even when the BCD, air tank, regulator, weights, gauges, depth rules, etc all may seem to weigh me down, that they are actually the keys to freedom and exploring a world so much bigger than what I can see from the surface or ever even imagine.

The Devil Left...Until the Next Opportunity Came

Just had one of those "light bulb" moments!!  Ever since I've started studying about healing in the Bible back in March of 2012 I have constantly struggled with the concept that in the Bible, when Jesus healed someone, they were healed.  Plain and simple.  End of story.  The woman was healed from her issue of blood and you never hear four chapters later that the issue returned and He had to "re-heal" her.  Or the blind man's sight dimming and becoming dark again.  So healing should be a "done" deal.  And if "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever" (Hebrews 13:8) then His healing today would be as strong and effective as it was then.  It says in I Peter 2:12 that we are healed by His stripes.

Yet it hasn't been exactly that way for me. It hasn't necessarily been a constant battle, but definitely an ongoing one at times.  This has been a nearly constant source of frustration for me, trying to match what I know from God's Word to what I experience. I've prayed about it, struggled over it and searched in the Bible trying to find out the "whys."  Reading Sheila Walsh's book (The Heartache No One Sees) tonight I discovered the answer!!

Luke 4:13 "When the devil had finished tempting Jesus, he left him until the next opportunity came." 

The emotional and mental healing that we may have experienced can be bombarded by doubts and temptations from Satan.  And we may resist, and he may leave..BUT he is waiting until the next opportunity to tempt us.  Which is why we were given the armor of God (Ephesians 6) to battle it.  I believe it crosses the realm to include spiritual warfare.  Please don't get me wrong, I'm not discounting the wisdom God gave to men to create medications.  But Satan had used this questioning to wiggle and worm his way into my thinking and whisper things like 'Jesus didn't really heal you' or 'if you were a better Christian you wouldn't ever have to battle this again' or 'your faith must not be real since you still have to keep praying about it.'  There is no way I can describe the relief to realize that it isn't that I have this great lacking of faith, or God has bigger things than to deal with me and my issues, but I am battling a cunning enemy!  "The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy..." John 10:10a

AA puts it this way, "Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now!"  We can easily substitute alcohol here for Satan.  He is cunning, baffling, powerful, but we have One, Jesus Christ, who has ALL the power we need.

May 2013 be the year that I put on the armor and prepare for battle and not be discouraged when the battle rages thinking that God has not healed, but realize that this battle is most often one fought in the mind and when a battle is won, not to discard my battle gear and let my guard down to merrily go on my way, but to realize he is waiting until the next opportunity, so I need to stay "prayed up" and prepared for battle.

And the rest of the verse from John 10:10? "My (Jesus') purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."  I'd say that's Good News, wouldn't you?!

Membership: Parts of the Body

Our family have not been "members" of a church in quite a while. Yes, we have attended church, and attended faithfully and even have served in various capacities.

Why not join?  Well, it was just as easy to say "why join?"  We moved here to the Destin/Miramar Beach/Sandestin  area (yes, weird but true, you can send mail to any of those three and we will get it, the lady at the post office told us to just pick one!) and knew we wanted to find a church to attend as a family.

We started attending Destiny Worship Center and really liked it. (it reminded us of 12Stone in Lawrenceville, GA)  They have great worship music/band, student activities and was big enough for us to slip into and just ease ourselves in. Oh, and I'm sure that having a bona fide Starbucks store inside the church didn't hurt either. We even went to a Newcomer's Luncheon but decided to draw the line at that.  So week after week we checked the "regular attender" box on our connect card.  However, unlike a lot of other places, we found out we weren't allowed to volunteer or serve unless we became members.  Toward the end of the year this started becoming a strong desire of mine, but didn't think that my husband felt the same.

As I often do, I think and think and over think.  Mulling over every aspect.  What does being a member mean? What are the benefits? Why join instead of just attending?

Part of the definition of "member" from the Webster 1812 dictionary include:
MEM'BER, n. [L. membrum.]

1. A limb of animal bodies, as a leg, an arm, an ear, a finger, that is, a subordinate part of the main body.

2. A part of a discourse, or of a period or sentence; a clause; a part of a verse. Harmony in poetry is produced by a proportion between the members of the same verse, or between the members of different verses.

3. In architecture, a subordinate part of a building, as a frieze or cornice; sometimes a molding.

4. An individual of a community or society. Every citizen is a member of the state or body politic. So the individuals of a club, a corporation or confederacy, are called its members. Students of an academy or college are its members. Professed Christians are called members of the church.

Why join?
Read I Corinthians 12:11-31 Members are all parts of the body, and all the parts are important.  We are also to be united in the church, "I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose." I Corinthians 1:10  "And the church is His body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with himself." Ephesians 1:23

Imagine just for a minute that your eyes decide they just wants to be an ornamental part of your body.  It helps make your face yours.  But they doesn't want to join in and function the way they were designed.  And you could no longer see.  Wouldn't that impair your whole body?  Or what about your fingers?  They just wanted to be dipped in paraffin wax, massaged and manicured, but refused to move, type, lift, etc.  A member that is just "there" but not functioning is basically dead weight, extra baggage.  The rest of the members have to work harder to make up the slack.

And finally, why Destiny Worship Center? 
One of the biggest draws to me was the fact that it is interdenominational.  Non-denominational (basically no particular denomination) I was fully aware of, but interdenominational was a new term for me (Websters' - between, among, or involving different religious denominations).  From their website, "At Destiny, we embrace the term “interdenominational”. People from all denominations can feel welcome at our church. We desire for every person to accept that they belong, first and foremost, regardless of the church background, if any, they may have. As God touches their lives, they will then believe in Him and behave according to His Word. We do not believe God is looking for reasons to exclude people. His nature is to include people. The best common ground we all have is that we believe in Jesus, believe in what He did for us and love Him with everything we have." They express that they don't want anyone to turn away from their background, but to embrace all denominations and diversity but within that to lay the foundation of the common beliefs from the Bible.  For example, there are many Catholics there.  They don't want you to turn from or deny your Catholic faith, but to join together as a body of Christ and worship as one, but from many backgrounds.

Just a couple of days into this new year we get an email from the church saying that there was a new member dinner with the pastor and his wife this week and they would love to have us join them, both the dinner and as members of the church.  And we both felt like the timing was right.  So yesterday, January 9, 2013, we, along with about 12 other couples, went to a dinner, we all took turns around the table giving our testimonies and then had a group photo taken.  On Sunday we will take the kids and go to the stage where the pastor will introduce us to the church body as new members.

My prayer is that in 2013 I become a useful member of the Body of Christ.  Not just a fan, but a follower.  Not a seat warmer, but an active warm, friendly smile.  Not just an ornament, but a functioning part.

Driving Down Memory Lane

Took a ride tonight, in our white Ford Taurus SE DOHC 24V with spoiler, chrome rims, dual exhaust, digital climate controls, 6CD changer, fully electronic driver seat (including push button inflatable lumbar support), tinted windows, bucket seats and upgraded eight speaker stereo system. 

So what's the downside? The car is a 1998.  The same age as my 14 yr old daughter!  And while it may still hit 120 mph, I'm scared to try it that fast on its 216k mile engine.  And though I can set the air at 72 degrees on the digital climate control, the air conditioner doesn't always want to cooperate when it gets really hot outside.  The once super glossy white now has some of it's clear coat peeling on the driver side door.  And when you drive it for any long distance you are as apt to need to add oil to it as you are to fill it up with gas.  For all of that though, we have NEVER had to do any major repairs to it other than your typical maintenance. 

But boy the memories that came over me as I drove it tonight, probably for the last time ever, as we have sold it and it is being picked up on Saturday.

We have had this car through four houses, three cities and two states.  I'll never forget the day we bought it.  I was SOOO excited.  A beautiful family (ie: 4-door) car with a mustang engine.  And yes, I did my fair share of racing it in the past and have won street races against mustangs in it. 

When my son was in Kindergarten and my daughter wasn't even old enough for school we loaded them up and took them to Disney World to meet Mickey Mouse.  Many more family trips were to follow in it.  Since that long ago day when we got it, my son grew up enough for me to teach him how to drive it around our neighborhood roads.  It's survived a major snow/ice storm, where it slid off into a ditch and managed to land unscathed in between a utility pole and a fire hydrant, and was safely towed out the next day.

I can't begin to count the endless times the kids and I spent in swimsuits and with water hoses washing and waxing it.  And amazingly, with a good wash and some Windex to the chrome rims, it still looks great to me.

I remember when we paid our last payment on it and it was all ours.  That was when I got my braces and prayed it would last until my braces came off as the car payment money was being used for my braces.  It not only lasted through that, but through my daughter's set of braces and still kept running strong.  At this point we've owned it outright longer than we made payments on it. 

Honestly, we'd just keep it as a back-up car if nothing else if it weren't for the fact that it would cost us over $500 to get a Florida title, register it and tag it here.  And for a car that just sits there for "just-in-case" it just wasn't worth it.  Ron has a work truck, I drive our 4-door, family sized F-150 and we only drive the Taurus to try to keep the new tires from getting warped and the battery from dying.  There really is no sense in paying to transfer it all to Florida and paying the insurance on it.  If I tell myself this enough, maybe I'll believe it.  I know logically its true.  But getting rid of a car that is about the same age as our teenagers, that has been with us through all the moves, all the changes and so many memories, its just kind of sad to let go of something that has been so constant, so steady and so reliable.

So off it goes, hopefully to live out its remaining life before its heads to "car heaven," a little more useful than simply taking up a much needed parking spot in our condominium complex.

In my life I only have two other vehicles that I have ever "felt" anything for and a pang of sadness to see them go. One was "Rocky the Egg," a Honda Civic Hatchback - oh the stories we could tell as kids growing up with that car!  The other was "Big Red," a Caprice Classic Station Wagon that in a former life was a fire chief's car, hence the bright red color.  It then became our family car before it was the "first car" for myself, and a couple of brothers before it finally died with over 300k miles! (Mom don't read this part - but true story - I once out ran a police cruiser, with its lights flashing, in that car - I knew it had been a fire department vehicle so knew I had as big an engine it is as the police cruiser.  Still can't believe I even attempted such a stupid stunt!!)

No one name ever really stuck with the Taurus, it always eventually reverted back to simply being called "the Taurus."  But with or without an "official" name, this is one car that I will never forget.

PS- yes, you can still gun it and it will get up and go....I did it tonight, before my hubby told me to stop before I blow up the engine, but I just had to feel that jolt one more time, as my truck has a big engine, but it is also heavy and has never quite had the fast get up and go feel like "the Taurus."