Wow...what a ride these last couple of months have been. It has been very much a growing season in my life. I know God is trying to teach me that I am not in control and to quit thinking I can tough anything out and do it myself. Think of a two-year old toddler, you try to help them do anything and they jerk back and scream with, "NO! Me do it!" That has often been my attitude. I'm in the midst of Beth Moore's Daniel study right now and we are learning how King Nebuchadnezzar was walking on the roof of his royal palace and declared that it was all done by his power and for his glory. At that point he became like a animal of the field and for seven years ate grass like cattle, his hair grew like feathers and his nails like claws. Once he raised his eyes toward heaven his sanity was restored. (see Daniel chapter 4) Beth Moore commented, "God is not trying to destroy us. He's trying to keep us from destroying ourselves." Psalm 119:71 says, "The suffering you sent was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your principles."
So I'm praying that the things I have gone through recently will be beneficial and help me pay attention to the principles of the Lord. But I keep getting stuck on the pride of issue of "I got this." Which is a scary thought, because if this doesn't humble me before God, what would it take? Would it take wondering the fields, eating grass like an animal for seven years? I pray not!
During this season I attended some classes and was given some literature. One is a daily affirmation sheet. We were told to read this sheet every morning before we left the house. At first glance, it sounded good, and definitely helped to make you feel better about yourself. But last night it dawned on me as I really, truly looked closely at it, just how ego-centric it is. I typed it out below:
1. I feel warm towards ME because I am a unique, one-of-a-kind person, ever doing the best I can, ever growing in love and wisdom.
2. I am in charge of my life.
3. My first responsibility is to learn to love myself more and more. The more I love ME, the better I will love others.
4. I make my own decisions, take credit for the good ones and accept the consequences of the others, but always free of self-accusation, guilt or remorse.
5. I am not my actions; I am the one who acts. I am a fallible human being, who sometimes acts in a good way, sometimes in a not-so-good way.
6. I am my own authority and cannot be hurt or put down by the attitudes or opinions of others.
7. It is not what happens to me that determines whether I feel good or bad, but my attitude toward those things that determine my feelings.
8. I do not have to prove my worth or excellence. I need only express myself as honestly and effectively as I can at any moment.
9. I am free of animosity or resentment.
10. I am a success to the degree that I feel warm and loving towards ME.
11. I am kind and gentle with ME.
12. I live one day at a time, do first things first, one at a time.
13. I am patient because I have the rest of my life to grow.
14. Every experience of my life contributes to my personal growth.
15. No one in the world is one bit more or less important than ME.
16. My mistakes and failures just prove I am human.
17. I am totally free of guilt, shame or remorse.
What a list huh? I didn't realize until typing it out how often it capped ME and how prideful of ego-centric it is. It may not be entirely wrong, but as a whole, it totally leaves God out of the picture as being the one who lifts us up, affirms us and gives us our worth. I started thinking maybe I should try to make a Christian "affirmation" sheet to read. So this is what I came up with:
1. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. (Phil. 4:13)
2. Because of Christ and my faith in Him, I can come fearlessly into God's presence, assured of His glad welcome. (Eph. 3:12)
3. I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources HE will give me mighty inner strength through HIS Holy Spirit. (Eph. 3:16)
4. God has showered me in His kindness, along with all wisdom and understanding. (Eph. 1:8)
5. I am responsible for my own conduct. (Galatians 6:5)
6. I won't get tired of doing good or get discouraged and give up, for I will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time. (Gal. 6:9)
7. I won't worry about anything; instead, will pray about everything. Telling God what I need, and thank him for all he has done. If I do this, I will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. (Phil. 4:6,7)
8. I am a child of the light. (I Thess. 4:5)
9. I will always be joyful and keep on praying. No matter what happens, I will be thankful, because I know this is God's will for me, if I belong to Him. (I Thess. 5:16)
10. I will run from evil things and follow what is right and good because I belong to God. I will pursue a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. (I Tim. 6:11)
11. I will think of ways to encourage others to outbursts of love and good deeds. (Hebrews 10:24)
12. I will think clearly and exercise self-control. (I Peter 1:13)
13. I will be glad during fiery trials because afterward I will have the wonderful joy of sharing His glory when it is displayed to all the world. (I Peter 4:13)
14. Jesus, through HIS divine power, has given me everything I need for living a godly life. (2 Peter 1:3)
15. My heavenly Father loves me so much that he calls me His child, and I really am! (I John 3:1)
16. I am guilty, but no matter how deep the stain of my sins, God can remove it. He can make me as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if I am stained as red as crimson, He can make me as white as wool. (Isaiah 1:18)
17. I will trust in God's unfailing love. I will rejoice because He has rescued me. (Ps. 13:5)
18. I am created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27)
Each of these verses I read in the NLT (New Living Translation) and then adapted them slightly to make them personal statements. Wonder what a difference it would make to read those statements each morning? And not just reading them, but meditating on them and letting the truths of those verses sink deeply into our souls. We are made not to be the light and glory, but to reflect His light and glory in us.
I think I'm going to print out my new list and pray that those truths are the truths that I see myself through and in doing that, will change how I act and think. Not thinking I am good enough, or tough enough, or my own god, but realizing I am nothing without God. But with Him, I am loved beyond comparison.
