Lobbying for "Asks"

My trip to Washington, DC, as a board member and representative of the Florida Panhandle Chapter of the AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention), was enlightening and empowering.  I'm still processing much of the trip and the massive amounts of information that we learned at the Advocacy Forum prior to our lobbying at the Capital. 

In the process of our "Hill Day" I learned that that our requests are called "asks." The staffers, representatives and senators have very limited amounts of time, even when your appointments are scheduled.  When you go in and finish introductions most of them quickly went straight to the point and said, "So what are your 'asks'?"  In lobbying your "asks" are the things you are asking them to do or consider.  There was no talk about weather, or really anything off topic.  It was all specific with guidelines and goals. It also eliminated any initial awkwardness about making requests, because we all knew that was the entire reason for our appointment.

From a how-to lobby site: "Lobby meetings are often centered around a specific “ask” of the legislator, typically their support on a particular piece of legislation, releasing a statement or signing on to congressional letters, etc." 

They knew we weren't there to just chit chat, but that we had a purpose, and that we needed them to help accomplish that purpose.  Our success depended on how clearly we were able to define those requests and relay them on.  

Even at lunch, in the food court tunnels under the Capital buildings, we met other lobbyists and they would also ask us what our "asks" were and we would inquire about theirs.  

We could have spent our time, spent our resources (flights, hotels, etc) and accomplished nothing if we didn't know what we were asking for or willing to ask for it.  How frustrating it would have been to do all that we did with no results, simply because we didn't ask for anything specific. 

Yet how often do we do that with other things in life?  We assume people will know what we need.  We expect them to read between the lines.  And even if they do know what we need we expect them to know what we want from them specifically.  That isn't fair to them or to yourself. So just some food for thought.  If you need something, be clear, know what you want/need, know how they can help, what exactly you expect their role to be and then ASK.  They can still say no, but it eliminates the assuming and resentments that can come from that.

Confessions of a control freak

My job title is manager. It’s what I do. I manage things. I problem solve. I figure it out. And at work I’m really, really good at it. Basically I’m a self proclaimed control freak. Except I’m one that is learning control, especially outside of the work realm, is often an illusion. Or a form of manipulation.

Recently my alanon sponsor told me “figure it out” is not a step. The thing is, I’m stubborn. Inside I’m like a todddler stomping its feet, angry, screaming “no, ME do it!” Even though doing it all my way results in failure more often than not.

The sad part is that this often affects my spiritual life too. Hey Mr Jesus Dude, thanks for dying on the cross so we can have eternal life. Couldn’t do that myself. But this, this issue, this problem, this concern, this person, you can back off, I got it. Then on occasion as my juggling act threatens to come tumbling down I may be like, hey, I need a quick hand for a sec. Whooo, thanks, that was a close one. Got the plates all back spinning and balanced again.  Stored your number under favs. Will shout if I need you later. Chill, see ya around.

Ok, so I know that sounds trite and disrespectful. But if that is my actions, then that’s about how stupid and silly it really is. And sad. And dishonoring. And downright foolish.

Today’s sermon was thought provoking. Not in a that’s a great sermon, elequent, bravo, cute little golf clap way. But in a way that requires action. Now that action could be to ignore it, but let’s get real, ignoring is still an action. It was about the Holy Spirit. Not in one of those creepy fall over the pew sort of ways. But in a way that reminds us that we NEED him in our life. That he is our source of power and strength. We may get pretty far along just white knuckling it. But it won’t go the distance. And it’s sure not an enjoyable way to live. So went forward after the sermon for prayer. But this isn’t something that someone else can pray and ask for you. It has to be personal. And like was said in the sermon, it has to be requested.

I’ve felt all week like I was at some sort of crossroads. Where I have to decide my will or Yours. My control or His. The choice is mine. Completely and totally. No pressure, no forcing. Just this nudging. This knowledge that my way isn’t cutting it. And that to succeed I have to be willing to let go of control. All control, not just the parts I “felt” were out of control.  No matter how counter intuitive that sounds or feels. It also means fully trusting Him. From someone who has a hard time with trust. So this afternoon I went to the cross. Literally. We have a cross at a Catholic Church a block from our house. I got on my knees, I let go of my control, I poured out my hurts, my frustrations, my failures. I asked for His Spirit to guide me. To help me trust  completely and wholly in His Sovereignty. To lead, and for strength to continue to let him guide. Because I know that stubborn self is just waiting to start kicking and screaming for what it wants. I know it will be a daily surrender. A daily choice to hand over my will and my desires. But my way wasn’t working, no matter how much I tried to believe it was enough. Didn’t matter if my way included being good, nice, helping others, leading, quiet time, church involvement, community service, etc.

No rushing winds came by, no claps of thunder, no flames of fire. No overly emotional breakdowns. Does that means nothing happened? Nope, for me I think God wants me to act on trust, not feelings. Feelings come and go, emotions come and go. So to have that as a sign that I have the Spirit of God in me could cause me to later think I don’t anymore, if my feelings later changed. What did happen is I felt at peace, a calm. A knowing that I don’t have it all together. I don’t have full control. I don’t have it all figured out. And I’ll probably have moments of panic where I want to try to jump in and wrestle with control. I’ll have times where my self wins and tries to rule. But I also have a promise. A promise that He will never leave me, abandon me. A promise that He will always be with me, even if it’s in the midst of a storm. A promise that the same God who created the world created me. And loves me. Flaws and all.

Follow the Bubbles!

As we all know, the written portion of learning can be a lot different from the actual hands on section.  This is especially true in learning to SCUBA dive.  It's one thing to intellectually know what to do in case you run out of air, its something totally different when you are under water and your air flow ceases and you have to fight panic and do what you learned in the classroom.

Another example in SCUBA training is learning to follow the bubbles.  They taught that sometimes you can get disorientated and not know up from down, and in that case to watch the direction that your bubbles go.  The bubbles ALWAYS go up toward the surface, so use them to orientate yourself.  Sitting at the desk I was like, really?? I mean come on, how do you not know if you are upside down or not?! But guess what, when practicing buoyancy and flipping and turning, you really can lose your sense of direction, not just horizontally, but vertically.  Every one of your senses can be screaming at you that you are headed up to the surface yet the bubbles are going down.  But are the bubbles really going down?  Nope, they are going up and it is you that is upside down.  It is a bizarre feeling when this happens, but it does happen. 

In our everyday lives people can warn of us getting disorientated and losing our place and what seems to be up is down, and down is up.  We think we know something as basic as this, and brush off the warnings.  But we all must have a constant standard, that no matter what our surroundings seem like or our senses and mind might be telling us, is the unwavering truth.  Our bubbles.  Stop the kicking, the panic, the thrashing and swimming against the flow.  Stop. Take a minute to just be still. And look for those indicators that will always point the way up, to our life source of air, without fail, no matter the circumstances. 

Not sure what your bubbles are?  God's Word can be one indicator, another could be friends, accountability people or counselors that help guide.  When I SCUBA dive most of the time I am in a group that is led by a dive master.  He (or she) will often swim up alongside of you and ask to check the level of your air and other computer settings.  In times of panic they will hold your arm, steadying you, help you get your breathing steady.  And the dive masters are there to give assurance as you follow them.  Ultimately, they also follow the bubbles.  But sometimes its a comfort to have a dive partner (having a partner is actually a requirement when diving) or dive master assuring you that you are on the right track.

So chill, and follow your bubbles.  They will always lead you up, to the surface and life giving air.

Greener Grass - Real or Fake?

The grass IS greener on the other side of the fence!  But it might just be fake....

Last week while I was out on a property that I manage I was watching our landscape company paint the grass.  Yes, you heard me, they were painting the grass green. 

You see, it is winter here and the grass is dormant, but this community is at the beach and is a higher end resort community.  Many of us who live in the area call it a "bubble."  Our job is to make everything as perfect as possible, even the grass.  The snowbirds don't flock down here just to see more brown grass.  And while winter rye is an option, due to the boardwalks/walkways we didn't want those seeds sprouting up in between walkways.  So painting is the most viable option in this case until it's time for the grass to come out of it's dormant state.

However, this started me thinking on how many other areas in life that instead of dealing with the real issues we cover it up so that externally it looks healthy and green. Yet underneath it is brown, dead or dormant. I've really gotten into word meaning lately so looked up the definition for dormant.

dor·mant  [ˈdôrmənt]

 

ADJECTIVE

(of an animal) having normal physical functions suspended or slowed down for a period of time; in or as if in a deep sleep:

"dormant butterflies"

"the event evoked memories that she would rather had lain dormant"

synonyms: asleep · sleeping · resting · inactive · passive · inert · latent · quiescent

antonyms: awake · active

• (of a plant or bud) alive but not actively growing.

So to have a dormant area in our life means we have an area that is still alive, but it is inactive, not actively growing and/or suspended from it's normal functions.  To revive these kinds of areas takes work, time and effort.  Sometimes it takes an external boost, like fertilizer or extra nutrients, or in practical terms things like counseling or small groups.  * Disclaimer: there are times in our lives where a period of inactivity or rest is needed for future growth.

 

Covering the grass in green paint is very much like the definition of mask: "a manner or expression that hides one's true character or feelings; a pretense." 

 

Obviously not everyone that asks us "how are you?" truly cares or wants to hear a real answer.  But it is important that we learn to be real with ourselves first and foremost.  From there we learn to be real with God, with our spouses and with a mentor, sponsor, accountability person or a trusted friend.  And who knows, you may just find out someone else has been there, done that, before you and can turn out to be an asset and source of strength you never expected to find.

 

"When you show up authentic, you create the space for others to do the same." ~ unknown

 

"Be careful who you pretend to be, you may forget who you are." ~ unknown

 

 

 

Word of the Year (2018) - THRIVE!

2018.  This year is starting off somewhat different than other years.  For one thing I didn't write out an unattainable list of resolutions.  Things that I will forget by mid-March, if not sooner.  Instead I created a vision board, divided up in categories such as health, spiritual, family, travel, finance, career, etc. and with photos, quotes and goals on how I want each of those areas to look in my life in this upcoming year. 
I'm also using a planner and combining short journaling, a planner, calendar, goal setting, gratitude list, prayer list, stickers and mini scrapbooking and other items all in one place.

In mid-December I started going to Al-Anon and realized that I spent too much time attempting to fix or manage other people or things that are not my responsibility, while neglecting focusing on my own life and areas I need to work on.  They have great quotes, like "Live and Let Live" and "Let Go and Let God."  The group is also helping me see my codependency issues, control issues and anger and resentments I have toward others when they don't meet my expectations.  I could go on and on about this group, what I'm learning there, and their slogans, but will save that for another day.

The biggest decision so far this year was that I decided to take at least a month to live alone and work through some of my codependent and boundary issues.  A healing time.  To learn to make changes for MY life, and not to try to manipulate someone else to make changes in theirs.  And that if they choose to not ever change, then learn to accept that and be able to move on, freely and without resentments.

All of this culminated in my mind to incorporate the word THRIVE.  Nineteen days in and I realize that having a word is great and all, but that it was time to really explore what that word even means and how I can use it in my life in a practical way.  What does it mean?  What does it not mean?  How can I apply it?

First is the definition.  According to Webster:

Thrive [THrīv]

 

VERB

thrives (third person present) · thrived (past tense) · throve (past tense) · thriving (present participle) · thriven (past participle)

(of a child, animal, or plant) grow or develop well or vigorously:

"the new baby thrived"

• prosper; flourish:
  "education groups thrive on organization"
• "a thriving economy"
  synonyms: flourish · prosper · burgeon · bloom · blossom · mushroom · do well · advance · succeed · boom · flourishing · prosperous · prospering · growing · developing · burgeoning

While searching for the definition I saw multiple definitions on failure to thrive.  This was a medical diagnosis given to my daughter when she was a year old.  "A child is said to have failure to thrive when they don’t meet recognized standards of growth."  It is a stagnation of growth and if it persists can result in a feeding tube becoming necessary for the child to survive.

 

So basically thriving isn't just out there having fun and living life to the fullest.  No synonyms include the words party or fun.  Not that we shouldn't live life to the fullest.  I firmly believe we should make the most of the life we are blessed with.  Twice in the past few months I've seen someone whose life was cut short, way to short, unexpected and devastating.

 

To truly thrive means to grow.  Not just a growth of survival, an absence of death; but a growth that is marked by flourishing and vigor.  As I make decisions this year, they need to be seen through the lens of thriving.  Will this decision, will this choice, will this action encourage a vigorous growth in my life, or will it be detrimental to my physical, spiritual or mental well-being?  What friends, situations and activities will reinforce the principles in my life and help them grow stronger?  What choices will help me keep my boundaries so that other influences don't choke out success, but cause stagnation of growth? What am I willing to do so that I can make the best decisions to flourish and I don't get to the point where I would need an external force ("feeding tube") making decisions for me simply to sustain life? When I see the word thrive throughout this year, those are the questions I will be reminding myself of.

 

So there you have it, my word of the year for 2018.  THRIVE!