Dive Story: A Parable of Sorts

Lifting my face upward, the ripples of water glint and gleam as the rays of sunlight push downward through more than 80’ of water to where I’m at on the seafloor.  While it’s mesmerizing, I can’t survive on my own in this ecosystem.  My body requires oxygen to live.  Thankfully I have that all important air, strapped onto a tank on my back, and for at least 45 minutes that trip I am free to swim with the sharks, fish, lobsters, starfish and crabs; to explore a whole new world.  To swim through caverns and turn a corner to see the edge of the reef wall drop into a sheer cliff hundreds of feet deep.  I quickly reach behind me to grasp the hand of my husband, my dive partner.  While holding his hand doesn’t change the circumstances, it is a reassuring touch that I’m not alone in this world.

Did I wake up that morning and decide to just walk off the back of a boat into the middle of the Caribbean? Of course not, I took classes, and then practiced what I was taught, was tested on those skills and became a certified SCUBA diver first.  Breathing underwater can be dangerous, and it doesn’t come naturally to some of us.  There are many skills to be learned, and they are taught in a confined, safe environment of a swimming pool with lifeguards and experienced divers to lead the way.  Another interesting thing with diving is that you aren’t certified and then good to go for the rest of your life.  If you don’t practice on a somewhat consistent basis what you’ve been taught, then every three years or so you have to take a refresher course.  Why?  Because diving involves many tiny choices, risks and decisions that could easily be a matter of life and death.  And it isn’t only your skills that need upkeep, but equipment can rust or clog, BCD’s can get holes, air tanks can get stale, hoses can lose pressure. Divers get this.  Truly we get it, and we care because it is critical to our well-being.

But after a while you may begin to think you don’t need the expert, the lifeguard, the boat captain.  No sir-ey.  You’ve been diving for years, and on an impulse you just hop on a jet ski and head as fast as you can out to sea.  You don’t have a buddy with you.  You don’t have your tools in case of equipment malfunction.  Heck you didn’t even bother to check your gear at all! 

Diving around, swimming with the fish, seeing the sights, taking it all in you think what a joke that you never did this before.  You just wasted your time rechecking the equipment every time, it hasn’t failed before, so why would it now? And buddy systems, who needs them? They just slowed you down and sometimes your buddy kept you completely away from a new area you really wanted to explore and see for yourself.  This, now THIS is the life, this is how it’s meant to be explored, and lived, with the thrill of reckless abandon to do whatever you want with no hindrances.  

But then, a chill comes over you, a shadow crosses by.  You spin around trying to catch a glimpse, but all you see is an eerie shadow circling just beyond the field of visibility.  As the sense of panic begins to grow you start grasping at your gauges.  The water temp is dropping, your heart rate is increasing and you realize that your air tank is dangerously close the red empty line.  You gasp and as you do you hear a hissing sound and bubbling, the sound of your regulator leaking.  Now spinning and reeling around, you desperately reach behind you for the dangling cord of your octopus.  Only to remember you didn’t bother to bring a back-up.  Sadly you realize that you had all the tools you needed all along, yet you chose to let them fall into a state of disrepair. Your last chance is to make it to the surface.  Fighting panic that urges you to swim upward as fast as possible, to just get out the quickest way possible, to go home and pretend this nightmare never happened, but you also know it would cause your lungs to explode. So you decide to slowly get yourself up and out of this mess, but in the midst of all the panic you can’t remember which way is up.  Now while in training they set us up for that scenario, and while we laughed in the pool with the rest of the class at the thought of actually having no clue of which way is up and which way is down, I do remember the instructor saying to just look for the bubbles.  They are the proof and they always rise upward.  Within a few minutes, but what feels like hours later, you finally break to the surface of the water and gasp in that sweet, sweet fresh air.

So why does it seem so much harder in other life circumstances to realize that the same concept applies? Why do we think the rest of living we can do without training or help along the way? While I wouldn’t go diving off a boat in the middle of the ocean without proper training, certification and equipment all too often I do the equivalent by impulsively rushing forward into some reckless source of excitement or distraction or moment of pleasure.  Then a lifeguard comes along, drags you to the surface and offers to teach you the tools you need to live a very full life, but within the confines of boundaries God has given for our safety. You read the study books; start putting it into practice, turn and share with others what you’ve learned.  And slowly but surely you think you have it down.  You begin to think that maybe, just perhaps, all the rules and boundaries are set for the newcomers, not for you.  You can handle the fun and excitement without the hassle of the rules and regulations.  Complacency sets in, sometimes followed by a sense that you are missing out on something more, and that’s when the above scenario starts to take place.  

God’s Word is the truth and like the bubbles.  No matter how confused we feel, when we can’t seem to grasp what is up and what is down, His Word stays the same, always pointing toward the Light, always rising upward.  Sometimes we completely run out of air and need a buddy to come along, to buddy breath with us and share some of their oxygen until we can breathe on our own.  We have to rebuild our tool boxes, and sometimes that includes painfully scraping off the rust, scrubbing the mold off and even at times ripping off old dry rotted O-rings and replacing them with new ones.  Friends come along like our gauges, and when we don’t know which way we are headed they point us to the compass, they show us when we are getting too close to the red danger line, they help us to keep our tanks full with encouraging words, God’s Word and by sharing what they have learned along the way.  And just like when I dove the wall in Cozumel and reached behind me for the comforting touch of my husband’s hand, we need friends to simply be there and let us know we will be ok.

I’ve been on diving training classes and there have been divers that have been certified many years longer than myself but haven’t been in a while so are re-taking the skills class.  Do they sit around moping because it’s been a while since they went diving and now they need to repeat and practice their skills in a refresher class? Do they hang their heads in shame that they are asking for the help of a dive master when they themselves have been diving for so many years? Of course not! They actually are leading the way and showing the rest of us that we are never beyond needing others or updating our skills and the equipment that we have. Showing that using the buddy system isn’t just for novices, but that everyone needs a partner to stay safe. Then why oh why, as God is pointing out areas in my life that I felt I could go at it alone but have failed, do I feel shame? 

But right now, at this moment, I don’t.  Instead I feel a very large sense of gratitude that I am here, and that He is such a patient teacher, willing to shape me and hone my skills into something of usefulness. That He is opening doors and bringing new people into my life that are willing to tell me when my compass is pointing the wrong direction or that my tank is running low.  May I be humble enough to know life can’t be lived solo, that I need others, that I need safety boundaries and humble enough to ask for help when I think I’m drowning.  To remember that even when the BCD, air tank, regulator, weights, gauges, depth rules, etc all may seem to weigh me down, that they are actually the keys to freedom and exploring a world so much bigger than what I can see from the surface or ever even imagine.

The Devil Left...Until the Next Opportunity Came

Just had one of those "light bulb" moments!!  Ever since I've started studying about healing in the Bible back in March of 2012 I have constantly struggled with the concept that in the Bible, when Jesus healed someone, they were healed.  Plain and simple.  End of story.  The woman was healed from her issue of blood and you never hear four chapters later that the issue returned and He had to "re-heal" her.  Or the blind man's sight dimming and becoming dark again.  So healing should be a "done" deal.  And if "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever" (Hebrews 13:8) then His healing today would be as strong and effective as it was then.  It says in I Peter 2:12 that we are healed by His stripes.

Yet it hasn't been exactly that way for me. It hasn't necessarily been a constant battle, but definitely an ongoing one at times.  This has been a nearly constant source of frustration for me, trying to match what I know from God's Word to what I experience. I've prayed about it, struggled over it and searched in the Bible trying to find out the "whys."  Reading Sheila Walsh's book (The Heartache No One Sees) tonight I discovered the answer!!

Luke 4:13 "When the devil had finished tempting Jesus, he left him until the next opportunity came." 

The emotional and mental healing that we may have experienced can be bombarded by doubts and temptations from Satan.  And we may resist, and he may leave..BUT he is waiting until the next opportunity to tempt us.  Which is why we were given the armor of God (Ephesians 6) to battle it.  I believe it crosses the realm to include spiritual warfare.  Please don't get me wrong, I'm not discounting the wisdom God gave to men to create medications.  But Satan had used this questioning to wiggle and worm his way into my thinking and whisper things like 'Jesus didn't really heal you' or 'if you were a better Christian you wouldn't ever have to battle this again' or 'your faith must not be real since you still have to keep praying about it.'  There is no way I can describe the relief to realize that it isn't that I have this great lacking of faith, or God has bigger things than to deal with me and my issues, but I am battling a cunning enemy!  "The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy..." John 10:10a

AA puts it this way, "Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May you find Him now!"  We can easily substitute alcohol here for Satan.  He is cunning, baffling, powerful, but we have One, Jesus Christ, who has ALL the power we need.

May 2013 be the year that I put on the armor and prepare for battle and not be discouraged when the battle rages thinking that God has not healed, but realize that this battle is most often one fought in the mind and when a battle is won, not to discard my battle gear and let my guard down to merrily go on my way, but to realize he is waiting until the next opportunity, so I need to stay "prayed up" and prepared for battle.

And the rest of the verse from John 10:10? "My (Jesus') purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."  I'd say that's Good News, wouldn't you?!

Membership: Parts of the Body

Our family have not been "members" of a church in quite a while. Yes, we have attended church, and attended faithfully and even have served in various capacities.

Why not join?  Well, it was just as easy to say "why join?"  We moved here to the Destin/Miramar Beach/Sandestin  area (yes, weird but true, you can send mail to any of those three and we will get it, the lady at the post office told us to just pick one!) and knew we wanted to find a church to attend as a family.

We started attending Destiny Worship Center and really liked it. (it reminded us of 12Stone in Lawrenceville, GA)  They have great worship music/band, student activities and was big enough for us to slip into and just ease ourselves in. Oh, and I'm sure that having a bona fide Starbucks store inside the church didn't hurt either. We even went to a Newcomer's Luncheon but decided to draw the line at that.  So week after week we checked the "regular attender" box on our connect card.  However, unlike a lot of other places, we found out we weren't allowed to volunteer or serve unless we became members.  Toward the end of the year this started becoming a strong desire of mine, but didn't think that my husband felt the same.

As I often do, I think and think and over think.  Mulling over every aspect.  What does being a member mean? What are the benefits? Why join instead of just attending?

Part of the definition of "member" from the Webster 1812 dictionary include:
MEM'BER, n. [L. membrum.]

1. A limb of animal bodies, as a leg, an arm, an ear, a finger, that is, a subordinate part of the main body.

2. A part of a discourse, or of a period or sentence; a clause; a part of a verse. Harmony in poetry is produced by a proportion between the members of the same verse, or between the members of different verses.

3. In architecture, a subordinate part of a building, as a frieze or cornice; sometimes a molding.

4. An individual of a community or society. Every citizen is a member of the state or body politic. So the individuals of a club, a corporation or confederacy, are called its members. Students of an academy or college are its members. Professed Christians are called members of the church.

Why join?
Read I Corinthians 12:11-31 Members are all parts of the body, and all the parts are important.  We are also to be united in the church, "I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose." I Corinthians 1:10  "And the church is His body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with himself." Ephesians 1:23

Imagine just for a minute that your eyes decide they just wants to be an ornamental part of your body.  It helps make your face yours.  But they doesn't want to join in and function the way they were designed.  And you could no longer see.  Wouldn't that impair your whole body?  Or what about your fingers?  They just wanted to be dipped in paraffin wax, massaged and manicured, but refused to move, type, lift, etc.  A member that is just "there" but not functioning is basically dead weight, extra baggage.  The rest of the members have to work harder to make up the slack.

And finally, why Destiny Worship Center? 
One of the biggest draws to me was the fact that it is interdenominational.  Non-denominational (basically no particular denomination) I was fully aware of, but interdenominational was a new term for me (Websters' - between, among, or involving different religious denominations).  From their website, "At Destiny, we embrace the term “interdenominational”. People from all denominations can feel welcome at our church. We desire for every person to accept that they belong, first and foremost, regardless of the church background, if any, they may have. As God touches their lives, they will then believe in Him and behave according to His Word. We do not believe God is looking for reasons to exclude people. His nature is to include people. The best common ground we all have is that we believe in Jesus, believe in what He did for us and love Him with everything we have." They express that they don't want anyone to turn away from their background, but to embrace all denominations and diversity but within that to lay the foundation of the common beliefs from the Bible.  For example, there are many Catholics there.  They don't want you to turn from or deny your Catholic faith, but to join together as a body of Christ and worship as one, but from many backgrounds.

Just a couple of days into this new year we get an email from the church saying that there was a new member dinner with the pastor and his wife this week and they would love to have us join them, both the dinner and as members of the church.  And we both felt like the timing was right.  So yesterday, January 9, 2013, we, along with about 12 other couples, went to a dinner, we all took turns around the table giving our testimonies and then had a group photo taken.  On Sunday we will take the kids and go to the stage where the pastor will introduce us to the church body as new members.

My prayer is that in 2013 I become a useful member of the Body of Christ.  Not just a fan, but a follower.  Not a seat warmer, but an active warm, friendly smile.  Not just an ornament, but a functioning part.

Driving Down Memory Lane

Took a ride tonight, in our white Ford Taurus SE DOHC 24V with spoiler, chrome rims, dual exhaust, digital climate controls, 6CD changer, fully electronic driver seat (including push button inflatable lumbar support), tinted windows, bucket seats and upgraded eight speaker stereo system. 

So what's the downside? The car is a 1998.  The same age as my 14 yr old daughter!  And while it may still hit 120 mph, I'm scared to try it that fast on its 216k mile engine.  And though I can set the air at 72 degrees on the digital climate control, the air conditioner doesn't always want to cooperate when it gets really hot outside.  The once super glossy white now has some of it's clear coat peeling on the driver side door.  And when you drive it for any long distance you are as apt to need to add oil to it as you are to fill it up with gas.  For all of that though, we have NEVER had to do any major repairs to it other than your typical maintenance. 

But boy the memories that came over me as I drove it tonight, probably for the last time ever, as we have sold it and it is being picked up on Saturday.

We have had this car through four houses, three cities and two states.  I'll never forget the day we bought it.  I was SOOO excited.  A beautiful family (ie: 4-door) car with a mustang engine.  And yes, I did my fair share of racing it in the past and have won street races against mustangs in it. 

When my son was in Kindergarten and my daughter wasn't even old enough for school we loaded them up and took them to Disney World to meet Mickey Mouse.  Many more family trips were to follow in it.  Since that long ago day when we got it, my son grew up enough for me to teach him how to drive it around our neighborhood roads.  It's survived a major snow/ice storm, where it slid off into a ditch and managed to land unscathed in between a utility pole and a fire hydrant, and was safely towed out the next day.

I can't begin to count the endless times the kids and I spent in swimsuits and with water hoses washing and waxing it.  And amazingly, with a good wash and some Windex to the chrome rims, it still looks great to me.

I remember when we paid our last payment on it and it was all ours.  That was when I got my braces and prayed it would last until my braces came off as the car payment money was being used for my braces.  It not only lasted through that, but through my daughter's set of braces and still kept running strong.  At this point we've owned it outright longer than we made payments on it. 

Honestly, we'd just keep it as a back-up car if nothing else if it weren't for the fact that it would cost us over $500 to get a Florida title, register it and tag it here.  And for a car that just sits there for "just-in-case" it just wasn't worth it.  Ron has a work truck, I drive our 4-door, family sized F-150 and we only drive the Taurus to try to keep the new tires from getting warped and the battery from dying.  There really is no sense in paying to transfer it all to Florida and paying the insurance on it.  If I tell myself this enough, maybe I'll believe it.  I know logically its true.  But getting rid of a car that is about the same age as our teenagers, that has been with us through all the moves, all the changes and so many memories, its just kind of sad to let go of something that has been so constant, so steady and so reliable.

So off it goes, hopefully to live out its remaining life before its heads to "car heaven," a little more useful than simply taking up a much needed parking spot in our condominium complex.

In my life I only have two other vehicles that I have ever "felt" anything for and a pang of sadness to see them go. One was "Rocky the Egg," a Honda Civic Hatchback - oh the stories we could tell as kids growing up with that car!  The other was "Big Red," a Caprice Classic Station Wagon that in a former life was a fire chief's car, hence the bright red color.  It then became our family car before it was the "first car" for myself, and a couple of brothers before it finally died with over 300k miles! (Mom don't read this part - but true story - I once out ran a police cruiser, with its lights flashing, in that car - I knew it had been a fire department vehicle so knew I had as big an engine it is as the police cruiser.  Still can't believe I even attempted such a stupid stunt!!)

No one name ever really stuck with the Taurus, it always eventually reverted back to simply being called "the Taurus."  But with or without an "official" name, this is one car that I will never forget.

PS- yes, you can still gun it and it will get up and go....I did it tonight, before my hubby told me to stop before I blow up the engine, but I just had to feel that jolt one more time, as my truck has a big engine, but it is also heavy and has never quite had the fast get up and go feel like "the Taurus."

Lesson from a Seashell

One of my favorite things to do is walk along the surf looking for seashells.  Most of the ones I find are pretty small, but earlier this week I saw what looked like a much larger one.  Pulled it out of the sand and realized it was broken.  Yet it was still intriguing to me so I kept it.  The same with the piece of driftwood.  You could tell by looking at it that at one point it had been in a fire, little black flakes of ash still fall off of it when I pick it up.  Despite the broken shell and scorched parts of the driftwood I can see the natural beauty in them.

I think too often when we look at ourselves we only focus on the scars, the black lines and ashes that tend to fall off when we get too close to someone, or on the gaping piece of our protective shell that is missing or cracked.  And if we aren't careful you can let that view taint how you see yourself.  Before long you can get in the downward spiral of assuming that if people knew about you they wouldn't really want to be around you or be your friend.  That they would pick you up and see the cracks and drop you back down in the surf, to be tossed around by the waves, hidden and half buried in the sand.  And maybe you do get picked up just to be tossed back down, but eventually someone will pick you up and see the beauty in the brokenness, the strength in hanging on in the midst of the turbulence and storms.  Much greater though than hoping someone else will see the value in us, we have God who created us.  While we might yearn for human acceptance, it is a comfort to know that God cares for us and that He never tosses us aside no matter how broken, cracked, how many pieces are missing or burnt we are.

So I'm keeping my broken shell and burnt driftwood.  Keeping it as a reminder that even in the imperfections of my life there is beauty.  And to remind me to look beyond the outside of those around me and see the beauty in them as well.

Gulf Breezes Stir Up Internal Storm

I love the beach, I mean I really love the beach and ocean. To the point that I'm a certified SCUBA diver and have dove in places all over, including diving with sharks off the coast of Belize to places in Mexico and the Cayman Islands.  With the exception of the Caribbean waters the Gulf is my favorite beach area.  We've talked and dreamed for years about moving there.  I mean who doesn't vacation at the beach and think, boy, wouldn't it be great to live here?!  So with the thought that one day I want to move there I go on about my life.

And I love my life! I love where I live, the perfect small town within driving distance of Atlanta and less than 20 miles from the largest shopping mall in the Southeast.  A job that I've had going on 6 years that is family friendly, flexible, and offers me a creative outlet getting to create posters, bulletins, flyers as well as working in the Children and Student departments.  I have great coworkers, a short commute and lots of benefits.  The kids are settled into their schools and doing well.  We moved into a gorgeous cape cod (always my dream style house) about 5 mths ago (go ahead and laugh, yes, I was upset about that move too and now here I am loving this house!) and I've just finished decorating the inside to a warm, inviting and cozy place and just started creating gardens and other landscape work outside.  I volunteer with a Celebrate Recovery group, am working with our local police department on getting a Citizens Police Academy Alumni Association up and running and making new friends at the church we just started going to a couple of months ago.  I also have friends here whom I dearly love.  You know, the kind you know you can call in the middle of the night if you really needed too.  Basically I'm very happy and content with my current life.

When out of the blue my husband is offered a job.  It is a with a good company that he used to work with years ago in our hometown, before we moved up here.  And the branch of the company that is offering him the job is located in Santa Rosa Beach, Florida.  Ironically right in between Destin and Panama City Beach, the exact area we said we wanted to eventually live.  While I should be jumping for joy at this chance to live in one of the most gorgeous areas of the country along one of the whitest stretches of sugar sand beaches, with some of the most beautiful blue-green waters, I'm not.  Instead I'm in shock.  Yes, I wanted this, but not now.  But if not now, will we ever have this chance again?  My husband, who thinks I should be ecstatic at this opportunity, is probably in shock at how upset I get.

But this means Ron will be moving on down there in the next couple of weeks.  I'll be left here with the kids to finish the school year, pack, find a new job down there and try to figure out how to save enough money to cover moving expenses and find a place to live there.  Knowing if I can't do it by July or so, then we will be here another year so as not to have to move the kids mid-school year.  Which means Ron and I could be living in separate states for up to 13 months.  So many thoughts, so many things that have to fall into place.  The dream of the beach bum life quickly escalates into a mega internal storm.  So strong that I can't eat and am battling massive migraines.

It dawns on me tonight that my kids are watching me to know how to react.  How I respond will clue them in.  Do I want them anxious or upset or do I want them excited and ready for one of the biggest adventures of their lives so far?  Time to stop, breathe...and pray.  (thanks to a friend who told me in no unnecessary terms to STOP and just breathe, another who reminded me to take things one day at a time and one who came by my work today just to tell me it would all be ok and hold me and let me leak out a few tears on her shoulder - see I told you I had awesome friends here!!) No, I have absolutely no idea how in the world all the details will come together to make this work.  But God knows.  He is the calmer of storms, both real and internal.  "He calms the storm, So that its waves are still." Psalm 107:29 (NKJV).

So ahoy, matey! It's time to raise the sails and use the blowing winds to guide our family to where we need to go, instead of letting them blow and toss me about.

Daughter, Be Encouraged! Your Faith Has Made You Well.

The Lord has been teaching me a lot lately, about myself and about healing.  So I decided to write out part of my story.

 

During the winter of 2007 I was diagnosed with S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and then in the summer of 2007 I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1.  I believe I had this prior to being actually diagnosed but had masked the extreme highs and lows by self-medicating.  That had seemed to work for a while but eventually I quit doing that.  Some bizarre actions and thoughts that summer caused me to finally seek medical help.  At that point I was put on medication for bipolar.  Almost all bipolar medications have a lot of side effects.  This one was no different with one side effect causing my blood sugar levels to go up.  After a year of still dealing with some symptoms as well as the side effects I felt I could control it myself.  

This worked well until the fall of 2010.  All during late summer and early fall my symptoms gradually got worse and worse.  My husband was working out of town and I decided to try some diet pills and lose some weight while he was gone.  After being on them I went a month on hardly any sleep and then went a whole week with just a couple hours of sleep and very little food.  The lack of sleep and food was enough to push my already bizarre symptoms over the edge.  I found myself being admitted to the hospital anxious, delusional, paranoid, with a low body temperature, with suicidal ideations, shaking and in a full manic episode.  After a couple of weeks they had me stabilized enough to return to work and my family.

This was the beginning of when I finally began to accept the diagnosis and began following my doctor’s orders.  This included having several doctors, a therapist and many months of experimenting to find the right mix of medication.  None of them seemed to completely work so I was finally put on medication for schizophrenia, which finally brought me much relief.  Again though, I had to deal with side effects which included not being able to regulate my body temperature, especially in the heat, and my white blood cell count dropping low, resulting in sickness like the shingles and had to have my liver and kidneys tested regularly for damage from the medication.  I was also given medications for insomnia and a couple for anxiety and panic attacks.  All the doctor visits, co-pays and prescriptions added up quickly.  At the beginning of the summer of 2011 my husband lost his job and we were under quite a bit of financial strain.  I tend to be somewhat of a control freak and now I felt I didn’t have control of anything.  There were many changes which eventually included several job changes, school transfers for the kids and moving into a new home.  All of the uncertainty of that summer/fall combined with a desire to lose some more weight brought on some disordered thinking about my eating.  Shortly after he lost his job I began purging and restricting.  Though I thought this put me in control of something it actually began to control me and caused problems with my health as well as disrupting the way my medication was supposed to work.  Also around this time I was told that my doctor believed I had BPD (Borderline PersonalityDisorder) which is another “incurable” mental disorder.

Toward the end of January 2012, my husband wanted to visit Lifeway Church, as it was just a couple of miles away from where we had moved to.  I wasn’t sure about it but saw on their website that they believed in healing.  I was so tired of the struggle to maintain stability and to hide my eating problems that the thought of being healed greatly intrigued me and my heart and mind were open to it.

I asked some questions and was given the 10-Day Healing andWellness study by Kenneth and Gloria Copeland.  It was very different from the beliefs about sickness that I had grown up believing.  But I quickly and wholeheartedly accepted it as truth. Before even starting the study I believed God was telling me that I would be healed and soon, so I quit taking my main medications and started tapering off the anti-anxiety medications.  I knew I had a couple of weeks before any intense symptoms would return.  So with an open heart and the clock ticking I jumped right into the study.  Getting up early every day to read the lessons, journal, watch the DVD teachings and highlight verses in my Bible on healing.  God gave me several very specific verses to stand on.

First was Proverbs 4:22 (NLT), “For they (God’s Words) bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body.”  Then He gave me specific verses for my specific issues. 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV) says, “For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  From this verse I knew that a sound mind is promised to me. Isaiah 26:3 (KJV) says, “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”  Though many verses speak about anxiety, this one is the one that stood out the most to me.  Proverbs 3:24 (NKJV) says, “When you lie down, you will not be afraid; Yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet.” This is the verse I claimed for insomnia.  I just loved it, every night I tell my children “sweet dreams” and to realize that God tells me that and has promised me sweet sleep reminded me that I’m His child and made me feel loved and special.  And the last verse that I felt spoke to me was when Jesus healed the women who had the issue of blood and had spent her money and time with doctors who could not heal her and when she touched His robe she was healed and Jesus said to her, “Daughter, be encouraged! Your faith has made you well.” Matthew 9:22 (NLT)

About halfway through the series I asked my husband to agree in prayer with me to claim my healing.  Late one night after the kids went to bed we read many of the verses, claimed them, prayed for my healing, praised God for that healing and then celebrated communion together.

A couple of weeks ago I went for a check-up and my doctor was so happy with everything that he gave me a hug! My fatigue was gone, severe headaches gone, electrolytes good, my blood pressure is in what is considered the “athletic range” and am overall feeling great and for the first time in a very long time the “brain fog” that I constantly battled is gone!

The changes have been mental, physical and spiritual.  It has now been well over a month and I know the medication is out of my system and that God has healed my mind.  I also have not purged or restricted my food the past month, I ran my personal best time in a 5K road race and there have been many inward, spiritual changes as well.  Now if I find myself waking up in the middle of the night I immediately start thinking on a Scripture verse, often times ones I don’t even remember memorizing, instead of waking up with worry. I’ve found myself listening to more Christian music, reading more Christian books and my attitude is changing. One of my bosses at work told me the other week that I seemed to have a lot more energy lately and another lady came into our office this week and told me that I seemed to be so full of joy, I gave her a hug and she said I had made her day!

Only once in the past couple of weeks did I feel like any symptoms were trying to come back.  I started feeling very disconnected which started to make the anxiety come back.  Taking some of the knowledge that I have learned, I knew Satan was just trying to trip me up and I refused to back down but hung on to my faith and the Scriptures I had chosen to stand on.  Just as I had to take several medications each day I know that I need to stay in God’s Word as my new “medicine.”  How much more stable can you be than by building your foundation on the Rock, on the unchanging Word of God!

God has given me His joy and peace and renewed my love for life.  I’m so grateful and thankful that I feel like the guy who was healed in Acts 3:8 who went “… walking, and leaping, and praising God.”