Lesson from a Seashell

One of my favorite things to do is walk along the surf looking for seashells.  Most of the ones I find are pretty small, but earlier this week I saw what looked like a much larger one.  Pulled it out of the sand and realized it was broken.  Yet it was still intriguing to me so I kept it.  The same with the piece of driftwood.  You could tell by looking at it that at one point it had been in a fire, little black flakes of ash still fall off of it when I pick it up.  Despite the broken shell and scorched parts of the driftwood I can see the natural beauty in them.

I think too often when we look at ourselves we only focus on the scars, the black lines and ashes that tend to fall off when we get too close to someone, or on the gaping piece of our protective shell that is missing or cracked.  And if we aren't careful you can let that view taint how you see yourself.  Before long you can get in the downward spiral of assuming that if people knew about you they wouldn't really want to be around you or be your friend.  That they would pick you up and see the cracks and drop you back down in the surf, to be tossed around by the waves, hidden and half buried in the sand.  And maybe you do get picked up just to be tossed back down, but eventually someone will pick you up and see the beauty in the brokenness, the strength in hanging on in the midst of the turbulence and storms.  Much greater though than hoping someone else will see the value in us, we have God who created us.  While we might yearn for human acceptance, it is a comfort to know that God cares for us and that He never tosses us aside no matter how broken, cracked, how many pieces are missing or burnt we are.

So I'm keeping my broken shell and burnt driftwood.  Keeping it as a reminder that even in the imperfections of my life there is beauty.  And to remind me to look beyond the outside of those around me and see the beauty in them as well.

Gulf Breezes Stir Up Internal Storm

I love the beach, I mean I really love the beach and ocean. To the point that I'm a certified SCUBA diver and have dove in places all over, including diving with sharks off the coast of Belize to places in Mexico and the Cayman Islands.  With the exception of the Caribbean waters the Gulf is my favorite beach area.  We've talked and dreamed for years about moving there.  I mean who doesn't vacation at the beach and think, boy, wouldn't it be great to live here?!  So with the thought that one day I want to move there I go on about my life.

And I love my life! I love where I live, the perfect small town within driving distance of Atlanta and less than 20 miles from the largest shopping mall in the Southeast.  A job that I've had going on 6 years that is family friendly, flexible, and offers me a creative outlet getting to create posters, bulletins, flyers as well as working in the Children and Student departments.  I have great coworkers, a short commute and lots of benefits.  The kids are settled into their schools and doing well.  We moved into a gorgeous cape cod (always my dream style house) about 5 mths ago (go ahead and laugh, yes, I was upset about that move too and now here I am loving this house!) and I've just finished decorating the inside to a warm, inviting and cozy place and just started creating gardens and other landscape work outside.  I volunteer with a Celebrate Recovery group, am working with our local police department on getting a Citizens Police Academy Alumni Association up and running and making new friends at the church we just started going to a couple of months ago.  I also have friends here whom I dearly love.  You know, the kind you know you can call in the middle of the night if you really needed too.  Basically I'm very happy and content with my current life.

When out of the blue my husband is offered a job.  It is a with a good company that he used to work with years ago in our hometown, before we moved up here.  And the branch of the company that is offering him the job is located in Santa Rosa Beach, Florida.  Ironically right in between Destin and Panama City Beach, the exact area we said we wanted to eventually live.  While I should be jumping for joy at this chance to live in one of the most gorgeous areas of the country along one of the whitest stretches of sugar sand beaches, with some of the most beautiful blue-green waters, I'm not.  Instead I'm in shock.  Yes, I wanted this, but not now.  But if not now, will we ever have this chance again?  My husband, who thinks I should be ecstatic at this opportunity, is probably in shock at how upset I get.

But this means Ron will be moving on down there in the next couple of weeks.  I'll be left here with the kids to finish the school year, pack, find a new job down there and try to figure out how to save enough money to cover moving expenses and find a place to live there.  Knowing if I can't do it by July or so, then we will be here another year so as not to have to move the kids mid-school year.  Which means Ron and I could be living in separate states for up to 13 months.  So many thoughts, so many things that have to fall into place.  The dream of the beach bum life quickly escalates into a mega internal storm.  So strong that I can't eat and am battling massive migraines.

It dawns on me tonight that my kids are watching me to know how to react.  How I respond will clue them in.  Do I want them anxious or upset or do I want them excited and ready for one of the biggest adventures of their lives so far?  Time to stop, breathe...and pray.  (thanks to a friend who told me in no unnecessary terms to STOP and just breathe, another who reminded me to take things one day at a time and one who came by my work today just to tell me it would all be ok and hold me and let me leak out a few tears on her shoulder - see I told you I had awesome friends here!!) No, I have absolutely no idea how in the world all the details will come together to make this work.  But God knows.  He is the calmer of storms, both real and internal.  "He calms the storm, So that its waves are still." Psalm 107:29 (NKJV).

So ahoy, matey! It's time to raise the sails and use the blowing winds to guide our family to where we need to go, instead of letting them blow and toss me about.

Daughter, Be Encouraged! Your Faith Has Made You Well.

The Lord has been teaching me a lot lately, about myself and about healing.  So I decided to write out part of my story.

 

During the winter of 2007 I was diagnosed with S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and then in the summer of 2007 I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1.  I believe I had this prior to being actually diagnosed but had masked the extreme highs and lows by self-medicating.  That had seemed to work for a while but eventually I quit doing that.  Some bizarre actions and thoughts that summer caused me to finally seek medical help.  At that point I was put on medication for bipolar.  Almost all bipolar medications have a lot of side effects.  This one was no different with one side effect causing my blood sugar levels to go up.  After a year of still dealing with some symptoms as well as the side effects I felt I could control it myself.  

This worked well until the fall of 2010.  All during late summer and early fall my symptoms gradually got worse and worse.  My husband was working out of town and I decided to try some diet pills and lose some weight while he was gone.  After being on them I went a month on hardly any sleep and then went a whole week with just a couple hours of sleep and very little food.  The lack of sleep and food was enough to push my already bizarre symptoms over the edge.  I found myself being admitted to the hospital anxious, delusional, paranoid, with a low body temperature, with suicidal ideations, shaking and in a full manic episode.  After a couple of weeks they had me stabilized enough to return to work and my family.

This was the beginning of when I finally began to accept the diagnosis and began following my doctor’s orders.  This included having several doctors, a therapist and many months of experimenting to find the right mix of medication.  None of them seemed to completely work so I was finally put on medication for schizophrenia, which finally brought me much relief.  Again though, I had to deal with side effects which included not being able to regulate my body temperature, especially in the heat, and my white blood cell count dropping low, resulting in sickness like the shingles and had to have my liver and kidneys tested regularly for damage from the medication.  I was also given medications for insomnia and a couple for anxiety and panic attacks.  All the doctor visits, co-pays and prescriptions added up quickly.  At the beginning of the summer of 2011 my husband lost his job and we were under quite a bit of financial strain.  I tend to be somewhat of a control freak and now I felt I didn’t have control of anything.  There were many changes which eventually included several job changes, school transfers for the kids and moving into a new home.  All of the uncertainty of that summer/fall combined with a desire to lose some more weight brought on some disordered thinking about my eating.  Shortly after he lost his job I began purging and restricting.  Though I thought this put me in control of something it actually began to control me and caused problems with my health as well as disrupting the way my medication was supposed to work.  Also around this time I was told that my doctor believed I had BPD (Borderline PersonalityDisorder) which is another “incurable” mental disorder.

Toward the end of January 2012, my husband wanted to visit Lifeway Church, as it was just a couple of miles away from where we had moved to.  I wasn’t sure about it but saw on their website that they believed in healing.  I was so tired of the struggle to maintain stability and to hide my eating problems that the thought of being healed greatly intrigued me and my heart and mind were open to it.

I asked some questions and was given the 10-Day Healing andWellness study by Kenneth and Gloria Copeland.  It was very different from the beliefs about sickness that I had grown up believing.  But I quickly and wholeheartedly accepted it as truth. Before even starting the study I believed God was telling me that I would be healed and soon, so I quit taking my main medications and started tapering off the anti-anxiety medications.  I knew I had a couple of weeks before any intense symptoms would return.  So with an open heart and the clock ticking I jumped right into the study.  Getting up early every day to read the lessons, journal, watch the DVD teachings and highlight verses in my Bible on healing.  God gave me several very specific verses to stand on.

First was Proverbs 4:22 (NLT), “For they (God’s Words) bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body.”  Then He gave me specific verses for my specific issues. 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV) says, “For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  From this verse I knew that a sound mind is promised to me. Isaiah 26:3 (KJV) says, “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”  Though many verses speak about anxiety, this one is the one that stood out the most to me.  Proverbs 3:24 (NKJV) says, “When you lie down, you will not be afraid; Yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet.” This is the verse I claimed for insomnia.  I just loved it, every night I tell my children “sweet dreams” and to realize that God tells me that and has promised me sweet sleep reminded me that I’m His child and made me feel loved and special.  And the last verse that I felt spoke to me was when Jesus healed the women who had the issue of blood and had spent her money and time with doctors who could not heal her and when she touched His robe she was healed and Jesus said to her, “Daughter, be encouraged! Your faith has made you well.” Matthew 9:22 (NLT)

About halfway through the series I asked my husband to agree in prayer with me to claim my healing.  Late one night after the kids went to bed we read many of the verses, claimed them, prayed for my healing, praised God for that healing and then celebrated communion together.

A couple of weeks ago I went for a check-up and my doctor was so happy with everything that he gave me a hug! My fatigue was gone, severe headaches gone, electrolytes good, my blood pressure is in what is considered the “athletic range” and am overall feeling great and for the first time in a very long time the “brain fog” that I constantly battled is gone!

The changes have been mental, physical and spiritual.  It has now been well over a month and I know the medication is out of my system and that God has healed my mind.  I also have not purged or restricted my food the past month, I ran my personal best time in a 5K road race and there have been many inward, spiritual changes as well.  Now if I find myself waking up in the middle of the night I immediately start thinking on a Scripture verse, often times ones I don’t even remember memorizing, instead of waking up with worry. I’ve found myself listening to more Christian music, reading more Christian books and my attitude is changing. One of my bosses at work told me the other week that I seemed to have a lot more energy lately and another lady came into our office this week and told me that I seemed to be so full of joy, I gave her a hug and she said I had made her day!

Only once in the past couple of weeks did I feel like any symptoms were trying to come back.  I started feeling very disconnected which started to make the anxiety come back.  Taking some of the knowledge that I have learned, I knew Satan was just trying to trip me up and I refused to back down but hung on to my faith and the Scriptures I had chosen to stand on.  Just as I had to take several medications each day I know that I need to stay in God’s Word as my new “medicine.”  How much more stable can you be than by building your foundation on the Rock, on the unchanging Word of God!

God has given me His joy and peace and renewed my love for life.  I’m so grateful and thankful that I feel like the guy who was healed in Acts 3:8 who went “… walking, and leaping, and praising God.”

Ion Technology and the Power Within

During Christmas I got a new hair dryer.  This is one of those semi-fancy ones that has all the settings.  Hot, warm, cold, cool shot button, high, medium and low.  It also stated it was a ceramic, ionic hair dryer.  The purpose of the ceramic is to heat up faster reducing drying time.  I looked to Wikipedia for a clearer explanation on the iconic feature:

"Many also feature “ionic” operation, to reduce the amount of static electricity build-up in the hair. Manufacturers also claim this makes the hair “smoother.” Some stylists today consider the introduction of ionic technology to be one of the most important advances in the beauty industry."

My hair gets really frizzy so I was excited about this ion feature but after using it for a few weeks now I haven't really noticed any difference at all.  Oh well, it's just a hair dryer.  But then, yesterday, for the first time, I notice a little switch on the very top of the hair dryer.  It says ion feature and the button can be switched off or on.  Duh!!  The default came out of the box switched to off, all I had to do was apply the button and there it was.  Was the ion feature missing this whole time? No, it was right there the whole time, I just wasn't using it.  I immediately thought of another area where we have what we need the whole time and sometimes wonder why it doesn't work. 

It made me think about the power of Christ in our lives.  When we are saved we have it within us through the Holy Spirit.  Are we always using it or applying it to our lives? No.  Does this mean that we don't have the power?  Are we missing it?  No, its there in us, we just aren't applying it to our lives.

I have now switched the ion button to "on" on my new hairdryer.  But in my life am I applying the power of Christ that I already have in me?  Something to think about for sure.

Jesus Comes to Us

The past few months I've felt this disconnect with God.  To the point for like a month or so I didn't even go to church.  Finally went and talked to my pastor about it.  He was saying that Jesus never leaves us, which I knew in my head.  But he was talking about how Jesus pursues us even in the midst of our doubt.  Whether or not we isolate and back off from church and Christians or not.  He gave two great stories from the Bible to illustrate.  The stories have really stuck with me, enough that I've told them to a few people and was thinking about it again today so decided to share it here on my blog.

First he shared about how Thomas doubted that Jesus had risen from the dead, yet even in his doubt he stayed connected to the body of believers.  And there Jesus revealed himself to Thomas.

John 20:25-29 (NLT)
  ²⁵ The other followers told him, “We have seen the Lord!” He said to them, “I will not believe until I see the marks made by the nails in His hands. I will not believe until I put my finger into the marks of the nails. I will not believe until I put my hand into His side.” ²⁶ Eight days later the followers were again inside a house. Thomas was with them. The doors were locked. Jesus came and stood among them. He said, “May you have peace!” ²⁷ He said to Thomas, “Put your finger into My hands. Put your hand into My side. Do not doubt, believe!” ²⁸ Thomas said to Him, “My Lord and my God!” ²⁹ Jesus said to him, “Thomas, because you have seen Me, you believe. Those are happy who have never seen Me and yet believe!”

The second story was one I wasn't really familiar with.  It took place after the resurrection, two men were walking to Emmaus and discussing all that had happened.  They had left the rest of the believers in Jerusalem, walking sadly because they had thought Jesus was the Messiah but now they doubted that He was and even doubted the story that He had risen.  Jesus came alongside them but they didn't recognize Him.  He shared with them and then later that night He revealed who He was to them.

Luke 24:13-49 (NLT) (bold and italics mine)

¹³ That same day two of Jesus’ followers were walking to the village of Emmaus, seven miles from Jerusalem. ¹⁴ As they walked along they were talking about everything that had happened. ¹⁵ As they talked and discussed these things, Jesus himself suddenly came and began walking with them. ¹⁶ But God kept them from recognizing him.  ¹⁷ He asked them, “What are you discussing so intently as you walk along?” They stopped short, sadness written across their faces. ¹⁸ Then one of them, Cleopas, replied, “You must be the only person in Jerusalem who hasn’t heard about all the things that have happened there the last few days.”  ¹⁹ “What things?” Jesus asked. “The things that happened to Jesus, the man from Nazareth,” they said. “He was a prophet who did powerful miracles, and he was a mighty teacher in the eyes of God and all the people. ²⁰ But our leading priests and other religious leaders handed him over to be condemned to death, and they crucified him. ²¹ We had hoped he was the Messiah who had come to rescue Israel. This all happened three days ago.  ²² “Then some women from our group of his followers were at his tomb early this morning, and they came back with an amazing report. ²³ They said his body was missing, and they had seen angels who told them Jesus is alive! ²⁴ Some of our men ran out to see, and sure enough, his body was gone, just as the women had said.”  ²⁵ Then Jesus said to them, “You foolish people! You find it so hard to believe all that the prophets wrote in the Scriptures. ²⁶ Wasn’t it clearly predicted that the Messiah would have to suffer all these things before entering his glory?” ²⁷ Then Jesus took them through the writings of Moses and all the prophets, explaining from all the Scriptures the things concerning himself.  ²⁸ By this time they were nearing Emmaus and the end of their journey. Jesus acted as if he were going on, ²⁹ but they begged him, “Stay the night with us, since it is getting late.” So he went home with them. ³⁰ As they sat down to eat, he took the bread and blessed it. Then he broke it and gave it to them. ³¹ Suddenly, their eyes were opened, and they recognized him. And at that moment he disappeared!  ³² They said to each other, “Didn’t our hearts burn within us as he talked with us on the road and explained the Scriptures to us?” ³³ And within the hour they were on their way back to Jerusalem. There they found the eleven disciples and the others who had gathered with them, ³⁴ who said, “The Lord has really risen! He appeared to Peter.” ³⁵ Then the two from Emmaus told their story of how Jesus had appeared to them as they were walking along the road, and how they had recognized him as he was breaking the bread. ³⁶ And just as they were telling about it, Jesus himself was suddenly standing there among them. “Peace be with you,” he said. ³⁷ But the whole group was startled and frightened, thinking they were seeing a ghost!  ³⁸ “Why are you frightened?” he asked. “Why are your hearts filled with doubt? ³⁹ Look at my hands. Look at my feet. You can see that it’s really me. Touch me and make sure that I am not a ghost, because ghosts don’t have bodies, as you see that I do.” ⁴⁰ As he spoke, he showed them his hands and his feet. ⁴¹ Still they stood there in disbelief, filled with joy and wonder. Then he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?” ⁴² They gave him a piece of broiled fish, ⁴³ and he ate it as they watched.  ⁴⁴ Then he said, “When I was with you before, I told you that everything written about me in the law of Moses and the prophets and in the Psalms must be fulfilled.” ⁴⁵ Then he opened their minds to understand the Scriptures. ⁴⁶ And he said, “Yes, it was written long ago that the Messiah would suffer and die and rise from the dead on the third day. ⁴⁷ It was also written that this message would be proclaimed in the authority of his name to all the nations, beginning in Jerusalem: ‘There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent.’ ⁴⁸ You are witnesses of all these things.  ⁴⁹ “And now I will send the Holy Spirit, just as my Father promised. But stay here in the city until the Holy Spirit comes and fills you with power from heaven.”

The point of the two stories was to show that in our doubt, no matter where we are, Jesus WILL reveal Himself to us.  Yes, it is best to stay connected to the body of believers and fellow Christians, but even when we walk away, He will always continue to pursue us and show Himself to us.  Pretty awesome, huh?!!

Garland Sloan Sheeks

ALBANY -- Garland S. Sheeks, 82, of Albany, GA died Thursday, December 29, 2011 at his residence after a valiant fight with cancer. Funeral services will be conducted Monday, January 2, 2012 at 11:00 a.m. at Matthews Funeral Home. Rev. Tom Pollock will officiate. Interment will follow at Floral Memory Gardens Cemetery.

Born January 6, 1929 in Mooresville, NC, Mr. Sheeks resided in Albany since 1949, moving from Virginia. His passion was providing students with a marketable skill and he did this with dedication and creativity as a Machine Tool Technologist for 34 years until his retirement from Albany Technical College in 1991 after which he remained an active member of Georgia Teachers Retirement Association. He was proud of his country and served in the Air Force, serving in the Berlin Airlift and during the Korean Conflict. His service to his country will be recognized with a military funeral during his interment. 

He knew Christ as his personal Savior and was an active member of Sherwood Baptist Church. He loved life and history and was able to live this out through his love of camping, traveling all over the country, often taking his grandchildren with him. He was a long-time member of the SOWEGA chapter of the Good Sam Club and of the Winnebago Camping Club. He was also a big fan of the Atlanta Braves.

Survivors include his wife of 61 years, Loraine Sheeks of Albany, GA, a daughter and her husband, Pam and Mike Amos of Albany, GA. He has eight grandchildren, Hannah Bowyer and husband Ron, Thomas Amos and wife Christina, Nathan Amos and wife Jewell, Joel Amos and wife Wendy, Catherine Mutter and husband Lance, Jonathan Amos, Caleb Amos and wife Katie, and Elliot Amos. He is also survived by eight great-grandchildren with a ninth one on the way.

The family will receive friends Sunday from 5:00 p.m. until 7:00 p.m. at Matthews Funeral Home.

Those desiring may make contributions, in lieu of flowers, to the American Cancer Society, 323 Pine Ave, Suite 100, Albany, GA or to Albany Community Hospice, 320 Foundation Lane, Albany, GA 31707.

To sign our online registry or send condolences to the family, you may visit Matthew's website at www.matthewsfuneralhome.com.